It was a wake-up call- the last straw. It became crystalline clear, to everyone but weaselly politicians, who, sniffing around for Hispanic votes, were blinded to its implications. What was this seminal event of which I’m am to pontificate about? It actually took place last year when hundreds of thousands of illegal aliens in an organized display of arrogance, that would have impressed Hitler’s Third Reich, marched through the streets of every major U.S. city in protest of President Bush’s “immigration reform” act.
Americans watched in stunned disbelief as every network and cable news channel ran live footage of the invading mobs, clad with Mexican flags, hurling insults, (in two languages), at President Bush (something he’s become comfortable with), the Congress, and Americans in general, incredulously demanding legal status and workers rights to which they aren’t entitled.
To add to this insanity, in a Twilight Zone moment, most of the news media coverage
adopted a curious attitude. Much of the reporting seemed decidedly sympathetic toward the mob. The coverage seemed as if its point was to instill guilt among its viewers.
It’s actually YOUR fault for the invading army’s difficult living conditions.
But, this situation didn’t occur in a vacuum. Like a volcano slowly building its caldera after years of eruptions, a showdown has been brewing. The first eruption began in 1986, when, in a sincere effort, President Ronald Reagan wanted, and got an amnesty (which he denied it was) bill through the congress. The bill was supposed to put an end to all this peskiness. Back in ’86 these border jumpers were aptly referred to as “illegal Aliens”, which made it clear to anyone the status of the people we were referring to.
This bill basically was designed to accomplish two simple things. One - grant a one time amnesty to what was then estimated to be (who could really know) approximately 6 million people living here illegally. And two - build fences and add extra border patrol agents to the U.S.- Mexican border. This was to be the tidy end of the whole distasteful subject. Simple enough.
Our “esteemed” government accomplished the “amnesty” part of the ’86 act, (which was quite easy to accomplish - all they were required to do was – NOTHING!) but of course they made failure look good, by doing nothing to stem the tide of border hoppers into our country. Now the approximately 6 million illegal aliens have become an estimated (again, who knows) 12 million and counting! Good job Uncle Sam!
Now come dear reader and ride with me as we zip forward in our nifty little time machine, 21 years into the future. Alas startled traveling buddy, little has changed. Okay, okay, everyone has cell phones, cable TV. and You Tube. Aside from that everything appears to be just about where we left it. Everything but the language, that is. There are new words floating about, HD TV, Google, text message, ipod, and the newly minted iphone, and with regard to this debate, “immigrant.” Having just zipped in from 1986, you might be forgiven for thinking that the U.S. government, in order to control population, was committed to major sea change, and proposed a stop to all immigration. Well, dear fellow time traveler, you now have to deal with the unintended consequences of believing your government when it tells you it’s going to fix a problem. Which is why you should prevent them from “fixing” as few problems as possible. The one unintended and unforseeable consequence of the erstwhile ’86 “immigration” act – was - (as I’m about to explain) – LANGUAGE.
Now more than 12 million illegal aliens have joined together with deliriously eager constituency groups and mercenary fleets of lawyers, including the A.C.L.U. to help them gain political power, (of which they’re not in any way entitled ) and in an attempt to blur the lines between right and wrong, brainwash Americans to believe that the word “illegal” has been deleted from the dictionary.
Just in case the above brainwashing technique might have worked on you, here’s the English -- Spanish translation – “Illegal Alien”=“Undocumented Immigrant.” Which was phase one to your “re-education.” Phase two, which has just begun is this - “Illegal Alien” = “Immigrant.” I know, I know … you might be thinking “hey, If the word “illegal” is removed from the vocabulary, how do I know the difference between a “documented” or “Legal immigrant” and people who illegally sneak into our country?” If that question DOES occur to you then your brain needs to be tossed into the Maytag for another rinse cycle.
So here we are - in the year 2007. Misinformation campaign in full bloom, and alas another stab at “fixing” the illegal “immigration” problem is taken up by our “esteemed” government. I’m going to bypass all the intricacies of the current Senate bill, (don’t worry, even the Senators who have sponsored this mouse trap don’t know what’s in there), but here are a few highlights.
The current plan, which would cause Rube Goldberg to wince, would have the U.S. government build 700 miles of new fencing (fence? What about a nice shiny gigantically tall wall?) in conjunction with surveillance drones and cameras and an increase of 18 thousand border patrol agents. In concurrence to this, the government would issue what are referred to as Z visas (supposedly tamper proof) to present day illegal aliens (excuse me, “immigrants”) allowing them to remain here after filling out legal forms and paying a 5 thousand dollar fine – how many illegal aliens have five thousand to toss around? After doing all that, they would be given permission to stay and work here for two years, and in bizarre bureaucratic logic, after which they would have to return to their country of origin and apply for full legal status to get back here. In addition to this, employers will be heavily fined for each “immigrant” they illegally hire. And there you have it – Now that seems simple enough - (insert sarcasm here) – don’t you think?
Anyway, as of now, that was, the “plan that was.” After a flood – (that would cause Noah to marvel) - of emails and phone calls of protest from sane people, with good memories, (ie: Mexican flag waving mobs in the streets), who live on planet earth, in three dimensions, the U.S. Senate – (who live in “beltway world,” which contains none of the logic of the three dimensional world), took heed, at the thought of loosing their jobs, and decidedly killed the monster! A rare triumph for the forces of good!
If our wrongheaded President and congress wanted to have the respect of normal citizens then all they had to do was pass a law to build an “immigrant’ proof wall across the entire border, and hire a gob full of border patrol agents. It’s that simple. Yes people in “beltway world” we remember 1986 and all we want now is a “show Me” bill. Build it and they will go. As a recently eloquent internet Ad admonished – “Build the Wall!” After that when the human tide is noticeably reduced to a trickle, then we can talk about issuing Biometric Z visas. Do that U.S. government, and you can then legitimately claim to represent the people of the United States – who actually don’t live in “Beltway world.”
An old saying goes, “If you give a man (written in an obviously sexist time) enough rope he’ll eventually hang himself. Which is exactly what occurred this week. Last year illegal aliens became so comfortable living here that they brazenly took to the streets en masse to actually demand rights to which they weren’t entitled, Americans watched and saw what amounted to an invading army - Enough rope.
This week, trolling for future Hispanic votes (even illegal ones) both Democrats and oddly Republicans, in an act of colossal hubris tried to push through a virtually unenforceable immigration bill against the wishes of it’s own citizenry and only stopped after the sharp knives of the American people came out - Enough rope.
And finally, not that this has anything to do immigration, but seems like it should not go unmentioned - Paris, yes, “Her photogenicness”, was sprung from the big house. Ms. Hilton, in her first post pokey interview with Larry King was asked if she read the bible while in the hoosegow. Ms. Glitz replied that yes, yes indeed she had been reading her bible. In response Mr. King asked what her if she had a favorite passage – she paused – suspiciously unable to recall any top ten hits – and replied that there were so many passages she just couldn’t choose. Well… I suppose we’ll always have her – There’s enough money here to afford a lot more rope.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Sunday, February 11, 2007
The Week That Was...
Well…here I sit looking back on this first week in February 2007 in delighted marvel at what has transpired! If you’re a news junky as I am and you revel in all things ugly and salacious then this week was your week, a news Super Chili Bowl of ingredients that when mixed together make for the tastiest of meals.
It all actually started the previous week when former New York City Mayor, Rudolph Giuliani announced that he intended to toss his "hat" in the ring for the two thousand eight Presidential race. The actual announcement came last week, but polls and real speculation stretched into Monday – Is Rudy too liberal for the Southern conservative base – he’s Pro Choice and in favor of gay rights. By the time the sun rose on Monday, there were plenty of news polls showing that Giuliani was actually running way ahead of long time Republican front runner John McCain. And surprisingly (to the oddly clueless news media) many conservatives said that they could vote for the independent minded former Mayor because of his amazing 911 performance. It really shouldn’t be a shock that many conservatives like myself, like Rudy. After all, the specter of terrorism still eclipses our nation. Unless in some miraculous bizzaro world, the Iraqis decide to stop fighting and pick up the “plowshares”, then security will be a major issue and Mayor Giuliani is the only candidate running that actually has a record of real leadership during a crisis – the nation’s worst crisis- and I suspect that if a nuclear device were to go off in anywhere in this country, abortion and gay rights will be the last thing on anyone’s mind! Anyway, as I said, being a news junky the “Giuliani, can he appeal to conservatives story” was a nice start to the week.
Not to be outdone by the former mayor, the newly minted Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi (the San Francisco treat!) decided that the Air Force commuter jet she uses to shuttle her back and forth between Washington D.C. to San Francisco was too small. In addition to that, her current “Wright Flyer” was unable to cross the country in one hop without refueling, and the inconvenience of having to make a stop along the way was just… well…too inconvenient for someone with sooo much important work to do for the poor and down trodden. After all she can’t be expected to travel back and forth without her staff, friends, and family! So, Ms. Pelosi requested a larger Military jet, a C-32, spiffily equipt with 42 business class seats, is the military equivalent of the Boeing 757 passenger plane. And you’ll be happy to know dear taxpayer, that just one of Ms. Pelosi’s magical mystery round trip flights will cost you a measly Three Hundred Thousand dollars. What a bargain! I seem to remember during last fall’s election some incessant grousing about saddling our children with a rather large budget deficit– hummm…
When questioned by the media about this highflying fiasco, Ms. Pelosi speculated that the Air Force itself was distorting the story because they were miffed by her stance against the perfectly good Iraq war and erstwhile Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld.
Listening to Speaker Pelosi’s “reasoning” causes the words “most ethical congress” to echo in my brain. After winning last fall’s election Ms. Pelosi promised that a new day had dawned and the new Democrat majority would shepherd in a new morality of the highest standards. Little did I imagine that when using the term “highest” standards she was referring to cost and altitude.
Not to be outdone by either the former Mayor of New York or the shiny new House Speaker–another government agency, NASA, decided it needed some attention, but then (too late) thought better about it, when the terms “twenty five thousand dollar bail” and “NASA Astronaut” were linked together in a sentence. As the bizarre news broke that the Orlando Police Department had arrested Space Shuttle Mission Specialist, Astronette, Lisa M. Nowak 43, on attempted murder charges! Seems that all the years of mission training have paid off as Nowak was caught with everything but the Space Shuttle’s Canadian Robotic Arm in her trunk. A comprehensive list of needed “mission” items, along with the items themselves – folding knife, pepper spray, rubber tube, latex gloves, BB gun, plastic bags, a list of e¬-mails from her target, six hundred dollars in cash, and I’m tempted to sing – “and a parrr-t¬ridge in a paare treeee,” but won’t - were shuttled the nine hundred miles to Orlando.
Like a snowball heading down Kilimanjaro, this gem of a tale gathered everything in its wake.
A day later details and wonderful terms such as “Astro-nut” and “Lust In Space” rocketed themselves into the headlines, as we found out that Mission Specialist Nowak, reacting to an affair between fellow Shuttle Pilot (with whom she was in love), William Oefelein, 41 and – 30 yr. old Air Force Capt. Colleen Shipman, drove nine hundred miles, (emulating NASA efficiency), wearing a diaper, (to save pitstop time), from Houston to Orlando to confront her rival at the airport. Dressed in disguise, Nowak, followed Capt. Shipman to her car and started attacking her. Shipman, somehow managed to get into her car but, Nowak, managed to pepper spray her through the car window! Despite having eyes toastier than an atmospheric reentry, Capt. Shipman, managed to get away and call police who were able to nab zero-gee stalker. WOW!
Now, sad and embarrassed, Nowak, is out on bail but, has to wear a Global Positioning System Ankle bracelet, for easy tracking. Wouldn’t it be a wonderfully ironic twist if it were discovered her Shuttle Mission was responsible for placing that particular Global Positioning satellite into orbit? All I know is that I can’t wait for the trial!
Even before the Ankle bracelet started transmiting - The piéces-de-résistance! As Thursday rolled around, not to be outdone by any government agency of any sort – Enter the many faceted Anna Nicole Smith – whose life is a mind numbing soap opera of nothingness. The Playboy playmate, wife - promised a mega-millions worth of money - from now dead 94 year old billionaire (at least he died happy) - J. Howard Marshall - transformed herself to a weight yo-yo-ing, reality show looney, that included her teenage son, Daniel, who died of a drug overdose shortly after she gave birth to daughter Dannielynn,-named sorrowfully after the afore mentioned son. Married to her lawyer, Howard K.-(not to be confused with Radioman-Stern), who claimed fatherhood, after another man, Larry Birkhead, claimed DNA-hood to the recently born daughter. Finally, deciding even she couldn’t take it anymore, by accident or intention, “offed” herself at age 39 in a probable drug overdose!
As of now no one is sure exactly how she died, but Coroner’s have preliminarily ruled out fowl play or physical illness, which most likely leaves drug overdose.
And if you thought you had heard it all, just before the kitchen sink goes wizzing by, the latest news is that Ms. Smith’s baby Dannielynn may not be the baby of either of the afore mentioned men. By Friday, another round of that popular game “Whose your Daddy" reared it's head as yet another “father” came out of the woodwork! Unbelievably, yet not - Ninety-four year old actress, Zsa-Zsa Gabor’s husband, Prince Frederick-Von Anhalt, (who appropriately enough is not really a prince), claims he’s had a ten year relationship with Nicole-Smith, and claims he's Dannielynn’s real father! It hasn’t occurred yet, but I’m anxiously awaiting for the Zsa-Zsa interview.
I have a fairly overactive imagination and I’m going to harness it now. How wonderful would it be if they gave the baby a DNA test and found out that THIS guy was the father!
And then turned out that Hillary had Nicole-Smith poisoned! Now THAT would be a news story!!
At any rate, this story isn’t over by a long shot so please put that kitchen sink down.
All I have to say is – “will somebody, anybody, please do a DNA test on the kid!”
On Saturday…not to be outdone by Rudy Giuliani, Nancy Pelosi, NASA, or the “Blonde tornado,”–(who actually CAN outdo any government agency). Coming full circle (ala Guiliani), the “articulate” and “clean” semi–black American, Barack Obama, standing upon the icy steps of the old Illinois state Capitol building, where in 1858, Lincoln delivered his now famous "House divided by two" anti- slavery speech, officially announced he'll be tossing his “Hat" into the Presidential sweepstakes. Which should have made for a dramatic moment but, after the preceding six days of tornadic joy, felt more like a light breeze blowing from the west.
Ironically, by the end of this wonderfully entertaining week, nothing of real consequence actually occurred. Mr. Giuliani and Mr.Obama, are just beginning their two year long rectal exams, Anna Nicole Smith’s timely demise, will, in the long run have no worldly consequence except to endlessly entertain the vacuously, gossipy pop-media culture. Finally, when you look up into the sky – that glinty spot you see at thirty thousand feet with a greenhouse, ozone destroying chemical trail behind it–is not Superman. Nope, there’s a chance (small though it may be) that glint is a rather large Air Force jet carrying our esteemed House Speaker and company as she cruises along with family and friends, to her next Global Warming conference.
So there you have it–THE WEEK THAT WAS!
Now can I do it? – okay, here it goes – “And A Paaar–triiidge in a Pare treeeeeeee!!
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
Iran Nukes Israel – Some Thoughts
Lately when thinking about Iran I can’t help but recall the classic dark comedy Dr. Strangelove, a fictional account about nuclear war with the former Soviet Union– the movie ends when a B-52 bomber pilot played by Slim Pickens is sent aloft on a nuclear bombing run to take out Moscow. Pickens gets to the drop zone, presses the bomb release button, but a glitch occurs and he has to head back to the bomb bay to manually release the nuke. But the only way to do that is to physically hop on the bomb and hit the release lever, which of course means he’s goin’ down with the monster! That’s one dedicated pilot! So there it is- Ol’ Slim plunging down to earth straddling the bomb like a bronco, swinging his cowboy hat in the air–“Yeee Haaaa-ing!” all the way to the ground! Great scene!
Now for not so great scene ¬– Imagine Iran finally has “the bomb” and those wacky Mullahs finally decide to take care of the “Zionists”, and launch a nuclear missile or multiple missiles toward Israel. Now what? With all the talk lately about weapons inspectors and treaties and sanctions and uranium enrichment, the one thing nobody in the media seems to be talking about is what happens if Iran should actually lob a nuclear missile toward Israel.
Well, lately I’ve been “Mullahing” that over, and there’s a lot and I mean A LOT to “mull” about. So let’s mull, shall we?
So Iran does the thinkable unthinkable and launches its “Zion buster” - now what?
It’s a given that the moment a missile departs its Iranian bunker, Israel and the U.S. will know about it – one must assume that by now Iran has Israeli intelligence’s undivided attention. Mossad being one of the world’s best intelligence agencies surely has a lot of assets focused in and around Iran as well as intense satellite observation so the moment the missile’s trajectory is figured out, which should take about a minute, immediate action will be taken. You have to imagine that before the missile even gets over its border the Israelis will launch one or more of their own “turban busters” which means that now there will be at least two nuclear strikes. So the minute a missile departs its bunker and sees it’s shadow there will be a lot more than six more weeks of winter to worry about. Nuclear winter is more like it.
What will be bombed? I’m going to assume that Iran won’t want to take out Jerusalem – the Dome of the Rock lying in a heap of radioactive rubble won’t play well to the rest of the Arab world, so I think the Iranians will want to take out a more strategic target – Tel Aviv. Nuking the capital and “decapitating” Israel’s government will play well in the Arab world – as well as France and Russia.
Israel, being forced to play nuclear ping–pong with Iran, will not be content with a tit-for-tat game. The question is, how many volleys will there be. You know that the Israelis already have a comprehensive target list. They’re going to want take out as many of Iran’s nuclear missile sites and processing facilities as they can, as well as military bases, information, and power centers. And for the added exclamation point Tehran will be whacked. Israel, having been handed the nuclear defense cover it needs, and with nothing left to lose, might well be tempted to “FedEx” a few more radiation gifts to Syria, and maybe a few into Saudi Arabia for good measure– maybe. In any case Israel will have the excuse it needs to “take care of business.”
Another concern is the main lynchpin which precipitated this nightmare – the Palestinians. Besides Israel, the people who should worry most about Iran are, oddly enough, Palestinians. There are over a million Palestinians who live in multiple refugee camps in and around Israel.
It’s a sure bet that a multitude of Palestinians will meet the same fate as the Jews. Are you listening Hamas? Hezbollah? Because the winds in the Middle East generally blow from west to east (just like here) you can add Jordan’s King Abdullah to the “annoyed” list. And depending on those winds and the size of the blast it’s a good bet that nuclear snowflakes will be wafting down from the skies over Jordan, and the recently beleaguered Iraq. With a large enough blast and strong enough wind Iranians themselves might enjoy some of their own fallout–which would conceivably contaminate the food and water supplies, which will cause more misery–not to mention a radiation crater that was once Tehran.
It won’t take long for the missiles to hit their targets -as there’s only about a 1,500 mile gap between the two nations about ten minutes should do it. After that - the whole world will know and soon after that, world economies could very well collapse – oil will go up to – well… any number you can think of - one hundred, two hundred dollars per barrel - keep going because you’ll need to take out a bank loan to fill your car! You can also kiss goodbye any stocks or 401K accounts you might own because world stock markets will crater as fast as the nuclear craters are created! This in turn will cause the price of everything to skyrocket. Imagine millions of people mobbing stores buying as much as possible before food prices “nuclearize” themselves! The word “UGLY” lies on the tip of my nasty adjective iceberg.
In the end, the Arab world will have achieved a pyrrhic victory. Though they won’t see it that way – I’m sure there are likely to be plenty of “leftover” radicals celebrating “the end of the Zionist entity!” With no more Israel to rail against, hundreds of thousands of their own dead, and very few safe places to live (in addition to Israel, most of their lands, will be luxuriating in a nice warm nuclear soap bath.) – What will they do?
Not having to worry about diplomacy anymore, any real allies the Arabs had before will
be a bit grumpy about providing them with any support. A few countries like Russia and China might very well take advantage of the end of Tehran, and in the chaos try to take control of any remaining Iranian oil fields! I’m betting that with the exception of North Korea, any remaining Arabs will have to toss a camel a pretty long distance to find an Ally.
If you would like a reliable warning sign of this impending doom I’ll give you one, one that would be difficult for a Vegas odds maker to keep in Vegas. The one thing those weaselly Mullahs know is this–if they should attempt to remove the “Zionist Occupiers”, they have to know that the favor will be returned. Meaning that much of Iran is going to become a glittering rockin’ and rollin’ disco ball of radioactive light!
Knowing that – here’s your sign – Watch the Mullahs. That’s it! When all those Mullahs decide to take a magic carpet ride for a sunbathing vacation in Indonesia, that’s your two minute warning–it’s time to start worrying!
After the nuclear shuttlecocks are launched–the one thing I know for sure is this–U.S. politicians will try as hard as they can to capitalize on the charred corpses in the desert. Democrats will blame Republicans, Republicans will blame Democrats. There will be a lot of banter about anti-Semitism. The media will blame all except itself. The U.N. will convene–there will be lots of speeches and yelling and finger pointing and enough resolutions to fill an encyclopedia. In the end, bloviating diplomats and politicians will outgas in unison “never again!” to anyone who will listen. And nothing of any real substance will be accomplished. Which means, politically, nothing will change.
Now to leave you with a bit of a silver lining: eventually world economies will come back, though nothing will be quite the same – the price of gas will eventually stabilize, but still cost over a hundred dollars a barrel. But, the one good thing that might come out of this nightmare will be that the U.S. Government might finally create a Manhattan project or provide major funding to private companies or people, to produce new forms of transportation fuel.
If we could create a super cheap renewable energy resource to run a car engine, that isn’t oil based, then we can have an economy that is un-reliant upon events in the Middle East. And if it turns out to be really cheap to produce, you’ll see an economic boom that could just about wipe out poverty in this country.
This will have another beneficial effect – suddenly Arab nations that have had single product economies (OIL)- which, are controlled by a few people keeping themselves wealthy and the rest of their populations poor, will find themselves with a “no product” economy. The Middle Eastern Arab world, if it is to survive at all, will be forced to produce a variety of “widgets”, which means they’ll need to have an educated populace to produce all those different widgets, which in turn will mean there will be other things to occupy their lives besides the will of Allah and the end of Israel. And wouldn’t that be nice!
Getting back to Dr. Strangelove and that scene –When thinking about Iran with nuclear capabilities–my mind replaces Ol’ Slim with some generic Mullah (I don’t know any Mullahs personally) straddling that nuclear bomb, and instead of a cowboy hat he’s batting the bomb with his turban yelling “Allah Ackbarrrr!”– as he plunges into Tel Aviv. – Funny visual…then again, not.
Now for not so great scene ¬– Imagine Iran finally has “the bomb” and those wacky Mullahs finally decide to take care of the “Zionists”, and launch a nuclear missile or multiple missiles toward Israel. Now what? With all the talk lately about weapons inspectors and treaties and sanctions and uranium enrichment, the one thing nobody in the media seems to be talking about is what happens if Iran should actually lob a nuclear missile toward Israel.
Well, lately I’ve been “Mullahing” that over, and there’s a lot and I mean A LOT to “mull” about. So let’s mull, shall we?
So Iran does the thinkable unthinkable and launches its “Zion buster” - now what?
It’s a given that the moment a missile departs its Iranian bunker, Israel and the U.S. will know about it – one must assume that by now Iran has Israeli intelligence’s undivided attention. Mossad being one of the world’s best intelligence agencies surely has a lot of assets focused in and around Iran as well as intense satellite observation so the moment the missile’s trajectory is figured out, which should take about a minute, immediate action will be taken. You have to imagine that before the missile even gets over its border the Israelis will launch one or more of their own “turban busters” which means that now there will be at least two nuclear strikes. So the minute a missile departs its bunker and sees it’s shadow there will be a lot more than six more weeks of winter to worry about. Nuclear winter is more like it.
What will be bombed? I’m going to assume that Iran won’t want to take out Jerusalem – the Dome of the Rock lying in a heap of radioactive rubble won’t play well to the rest of the Arab world, so I think the Iranians will want to take out a more strategic target – Tel Aviv. Nuking the capital and “decapitating” Israel’s government will play well in the Arab world – as well as France and Russia.
Israel, being forced to play nuclear ping–pong with Iran, will not be content with a tit-for-tat game. The question is, how many volleys will there be. You know that the Israelis already have a comprehensive target list. They’re going to want take out as many of Iran’s nuclear missile sites and processing facilities as they can, as well as military bases, information, and power centers. And for the added exclamation point Tehran will be whacked. Israel, having been handed the nuclear defense cover it needs, and with nothing left to lose, might well be tempted to “FedEx” a few more radiation gifts to Syria, and maybe a few into Saudi Arabia for good measure– maybe. In any case Israel will have the excuse it needs to “take care of business.”
Another concern is the main lynchpin which precipitated this nightmare – the Palestinians. Besides Israel, the people who should worry most about Iran are, oddly enough, Palestinians. There are over a million Palestinians who live in multiple refugee camps in and around Israel.
It’s a sure bet that a multitude of Palestinians will meet the same fate as the Jews. Are you listening Hamas? Hezbollah? Because the winds in the Middle East generally blow from west to east (just like here) you can add Jordan’s King Abdullah to the “annoyed” list. And depending on those winds and the size of the blast it’s a good bet that nuclear snowflakes will be wafting down from the skies over Jordan, and the recently beleaguered Iraq. With a large enough blast and strong enough wind Iranians themselves might enjoy some of their own fallout–which would conceivably contaminate the food and water supplies, which will cause more misery–not to mention a radiation crater that was once Tehran.
It won’t take long for the missiles to hit their targets -as there’s only about a 1,500 mile gap between the two nations about ten minutes should do it. After that - the whole world will know and soon after that, world economies could very well collapse – oil will go up to – well… any number you can think of - one hundred, two hundred dollars per barrel - keep going because you’ll need to take out a bank loan to fill your car! You can also kiss goodbye any stocks or 401K accounts you might own because world stock markets will crater as fast as the nuclear craters are created! This in turn will cause the price of everything to skyrocket. Imagine millions of people mobbing stores buying as much as possible before food prices “nuclearize” themselves! The word “UGLY” lies on the tip of my nasty adjective iceberg.
In the end, the Arab world will have achieved a pyrrhic victory. Though they won’t see it that way – I’m sure there are likely to be plenty of “leftover” radicals celebrating “the end of the Zionist entity!” With no more Israel to rail against, hundreds of thousands of their own dead, and very few safe places to live (in addition to Israel, most of their lands, will be luxuriating in a nice warm nuclear soap bath.) – What will they do?
Not having to worry about diplomacy anymore, any real allies the Arabs had before will
be a bit grumpy about providing them with any support. A few countries like Russia and China might very well take advantage of the end of Tehran, and in the chaos try to take control of any remaining Iranian oil fields! I’m betting that with the exception of North Korea, any remaining Arabs will have to toss a camel a pretty long distance to find an Ally.
If you would like a reliable warning sign of this impending doom I’ll give you one, one that would be difficult for a Vegas odds maker to keep in Vegas. The one thing those weaselly Mullahs know is this–if they should attempt to remove the “Zionist Occupiers”, they have to know that the favor will be returned. Meaning that much of Iran is going to become a glittering rockin’ and rollin’ disco ball of radioactive light!
Knowing that – here’s your sign – Watch the Mullahs. That’s it! When all those Mullahs decide to take a magic carpet ride for a sunbathing vacation in Indonesia, that’s your two minute warning–it’s time to start worrying!
After the nuclear shuttlecocks are launched–the one thing I know for sure is this–U.S. politicians will try as hard as they can to capitalize on the charred corpses in the desert. Democrats will blame Republicans, Republicans will blame Democrats. There will be a lot of banter about anti-Semitism. The media will blame all except itself. The U.N. will convene–there will be lots of speeches and yelling and finger pointing and enough resolutions to fill an encyclopedia. In the end, bloviating diplomats and politicians will outgas in unison “never again!” to anyone who will listen. And nothing of any real substance will be accomplished. Which means, politically, nothing will change.
Now to leave you with a bit of a silver lining: eventually world economies will come back, though nothing will be quite the same – the price of gas will eventually stabilize, but still cost over a hundred dollars a barrel. But, the one good thing that might come out of this nightmare will be that the U.S. Government might finally create a Manhattan project or provide major funding to private companies or people, to produce new forms of transportation fuel.
If we could create a super cheap renewable energy resource to run a car engine, that isn’t oil based, then we can have an economy that is un-reliant upon events in the Middle East. And if it turns out to be really cheap to produce, you’ll see an economic boom that could just about wipe out poverty in this country.
This will have another beneficial effect – suddenly Arab nations that have had single product economies (OIL)- which, are controlled by a few people keeping themselves wealthy and the rest of their populations poor, will find themselves with a “no product” economy. The Middle Eastern Arab world, if it is to survive at all, will be forced to produce a variety of “widgets”, which means they’ll need to have an educated populace to produce all those different widgets, which in turn will mean there will be other things to occupy their lives besides the will of Allah and the end of Israel. And wouldn’t that be nice!
Getting back to Dr. Strangelove and that scene –When thinking about Iran with nuclear capabilities–my mind replaces Ol’ Slim with some generic Mullah (I don’t know any Mullahs personally) straddling that nuclear bomb, and instead of a cowboy hat he’s batting the bomb with his turban yelling “Allah Ackbarrrr!”– as he plunges into Tel Aviv. – Funny visual…then again, not.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
And the Oscar goes toooo….the Environment?
Hurray for Hollywood! Goes the classic refrain - It’s Oscar night 2006 and the entertainment and network news, are all a twitter about George Clooney! Seems he arrived to the big show not in an overdone limousine, but a hybrid vehicle!
Oh how the media fawned over George! – “He’s not only charming, and great looking, and a great actor, and an Oscar winner, but he cares about the environment! He’s perfect. Even God must look down with envy!” Really? Now I don’t doubt for a second that Mr. Clooney is charming and even though I myself am ruled by the Y chromosome, I have to agree that Bruce Wayne cuts a dashing image, and yes a decent actor but, is he an environmentalist? Because he arrived in a hybrid car? Well…not only did Ol’ George arrive sans Ozone depleter, so did Jennifer Aniston, and so did that Gay, maybe not, Broke Back Hollywood Cowboy, Heath Ledger.
I have this annoying habit of questioning authority, so when I saw to all the media swooning over the “save the Planet” bunch –I began to think (I know you can smell the wood even as you read.) I began to think about environmental pollution, and the first question I had was this - how much pollution is created during the making, distribution and showing of movies? That’s a good question to ask our planet cuddling Clooney.
Without doing any real research – I’m feeling a bit lazy after listening to all those self congratulatory Oscar speeches. But I’m feeling quite effective even without the research so here we go.
Let’s start with the making of a movie – maybe “Syriana.” What items would one need to produce such a movie? Well one of the first things you need is a script – which today will most likely be churned out on computer. But, after that it needs to be printed out so others can read it – and that means using paper! And that means cutting down trees! Did George ever think about all the trees that have given their lives so he could earn a living? I wonder how many died in uncountable, unconscionable leafy holocausts?
Of course after you have a nice script you have to story board it out. Storyboarding for those of you unfamiliar is a method used to aid the director and production crew to help them get a good grasp on the flow of a movie. They have an illustrator sketch out on either paper or board important moments to be shot in the film. Think of it as visual CliffsNotes for movie making¬–a lot of paper gets used during the story boarding process. More paper will be used for designing costumes and sets which are created with magic pencils, markers, and ink. You don’t want to know all the pollution associated with ink production!
After you have your movie storyboarded out you then have to film. And to film you need…well…film! And what dear reader is film made of? – “One word Benjamin – Plastics!” Yes film is made from petroleum. I wonder how much film they used filming Syriana? Hummm…
Okay, so we got our storyboards and our film what’s next? Well you need to find a location or most likely locations to shoot your movie, which means you have to transport all your equipment and people to that location or locations. Remember there’s a lot of stuff to move – a partial list – Cameras, film, editing equipment, sets- (deforestation), costumes, lights, generators- (gas powered), wiring, computers, steel and aluminum latticework- (the result of strip mining.) and last but never least - people! People (a lot of them) have to be moved to the set. And of course the stars need their own trailers! Which by the way are nicer than your house! I wonder how much gas it takes to move one of those trailers? – Maybe George could get a hybrid trailer! You can barely imagine all the pollution involved in getting a film crew to the set!
So now you’ve gone through the grueling process of creating a movie – the next step is to release this sucker to the world. So what’s involved here? Well, first you have to promote, which means sending your movie’s stars out to do the media talk show circuit, and if you casually think that that means only Jay and Dave well… today there are a multitude of venues where you can hock your wares, Oprah, Larry King, CNN MSNBC, FOX, the Today Show, Regis & Kelly, the nosy Rosie’s gabfest The View etc. I could keep going. There’s also Newspapers, Magazines, Radio, on and on. And if you thought that was it, well… that’s just a partial list of places to promote in this country – there’s the rest of the world to pimp to! And that means overseas travel and that means jet planes and if you’re a mega star like George, the studio will provide you with your own private jet! A Gulfstream 6 is the latest model, I think. I wonder how much fuel a private jet uses per mile? Hummm…
After our private jet lands, our mega star has to get to their promotional venue – the BBC, Match, Der Spiegel, etc., and you don’t get to those venues hitchhiking. Either a car will pick you up or if you’re as big as George, an Ozone depleting Limo will pick you up! Either way it’s more fossil fuel burning! Is it really necessary to use all that fuel just to promote a movie?
Then there’s the ubiquitous movie poster! I wonder how much of a tree holocaust is created from the production of movie posters to advertise Mr. Clooney’s movies? You also have to add into this mix those dopey standing cardboard cutout displays as well as newspaper and magazine advertisements! Wow! That’s a lot of trees!
Okay you got the movie finished and you got the advertisements out, now what? – Well, now you need people, ( hopefully a lot of people ) to go see your movie. Of course the way most people get to the movies is by the greenhouse producing non-hybrid car! And, they don’t just go one way, all those people have to get home as well! And, a few months after the movie exits the theaters it then comes out on DVD. Which means you have to produce the DVD and it’s case - both of which are made of plastic! Plastic which is made from petroleum! You also need to slap a slick a label on that sucker, which is made of paper with printed ink!
After you produce the DVD it then has to be delivered to multitudinous stores across America as well as around the world. And how do most of those DVDs get to the stores? Yes! A diesel spewing, earth shaking, gas guzzling monster eighteen wheeler truck! Maybe Mr. Clooney could help the engineers in Detroit develop a hybrid truck?
You now need someone to purchase all those DVDs – that’s right–all those people driving to malls all across America to purchase Mr. Clooney’s movies! Maybe he could help the planet and buy all of those people hybrids?
Of course up until now we’ve just covered movies, don’t forget the TV show that made Mr. Clooney a star – “ER.” You can throw Jennifer Aniston in here as well, being she spent a gazillion years on the TV show “Friends.” Starring in a TV show produces even more pollution than movies because the average TV series films more than twenty-two episodes a year! And the real reason stars get paid such stellar salaries is not because their employers (the networks) like them - it’s because the more of you people who watch their shows, the more money the network can charge advertisers to air commercials on those shows. And more they can charge the more the actors can make! So the truth is that George and Jennifer can thank advertisers for their luxurious lifestyles. You know big, greedy, evil, polluting corporations! The goal of advertisers of course is to get YOU to hop into your, ozone depleting, global warming, evil oil company supported car, and go the mall to buy their products!
Talk about pollution! Imagine all of you people traveling about buying stuff you’ve seen advertised on “ER” and “Friends!” You can’t imagine all the pollution that’s been created from both these shows throughout the years. Just imagine all the pollution George and Jennifer have been responsible for!
There you have it, if I had more time I could go on and on. I’ve just skimmed the surface of all the ancillary pollution that the movie and TV industry are responsible for.
Look!... Here he comes!... Do you believe it? Here he is! Hey Mr. Clooney–tell us about that spiffy hybrid car you got there -oh you’re so cool! What a great environmental statement! You’re such a big star that you don’t need a polluting Limo. Please share with us how much you care. And please make more movies like Syriana, about evil, greedy oil companies. Please share your concerns about the environment and global warming. Please Mr. Clooney, may we please get a glimpse of your Oscar? You know the one that’s metal and gold plated – made of raw materials which had to be obtained from strip mines using huge diesel burning trucks and cranes. Thank you so much! Byyyye! I see Jennifer is right behind you – Yoo Hoo! Jennifer - Over here! – “Hi!” How’s Braa.. Oh, sorry…never mind – niiice car!
Oh how the media fawned over George! – “He’s not only charming, and great looking, and a great actor, and an Oscar winner, but he cares about the environment! He’s perfect. Even God must look down with envy!” Really? Now I don’t doubt for a second that Mr. Clooney is charming and even though I myself am ruled by the Y chromosome, I have to agree that Bruce Wayne cuts a dashing image, and yes a decent actor but, is he an environmentalist? Because he arrived in a hybrid car? Well…not only did Ol’ George arrive sans Ozone depleter, so did Jennifer Aniston, and so did that Gay, maybe not, Broke Back Hollywood Cowboy, Heath Ledger.
I have this annoying habit of questioning authority, so when I saw to all the media swooning over the “save the Planet” bunch –I began to think (I know you can smell the wood even as you read.) I began to think about environmental pollution, and the first question I had was this - how much pollution is created during the making, distribution and showing of movies? That’s a good question to ask our planet cuddling Clooney.
Without doing any real research – I’m feeling a bit lazy after listening to all those self congratulatory Oscar speeches. But I’m feeling quite effective even without the research so here we go.
Let’s start with the making of a movie – maybe “Syriana.” What items would one need to produce such a movie? Well one of the first things you need is a script – which today will most likely be churned out on computer. But, after that it needs to be printed out so others can read it – and that means using paper! And that means cutting down trees! Did George ever think about all the trees that have given their lives so he could earn a living? I wonder how many died in uncountable, unconscionable leafy holocausts?
Of course after you have a nice script you have to story board it out. Storyboarding for those of you unfamiliar is a method used to aid the director and production crew to help them get a good grasp on the flow of a movie. They have an illustrator sketch out on either paper or board important moments to be shot in the film. Think of it as visual CliffsNotes for movie making¬–a lot of paper gets used during the story boarding process. More paper will be used for designing costumes and sets which are created with magic pencils, markers, and ink. You don’t want to know all the pollution associated with ink production!
After you have your movie storyboarded out you then have to film. And to film you need…well…film! And what dear reader is film made of? – “One word Benjamin – Plastics!” Yes film is made from petroleum. I wonder how much film they used filming Syriana? Hummm…
Okay, so we got our storyboards and our film what’s next? Well you need to find a location or most likely locations to shoot your movie, which means you have to transport all your equipment and people to that location or locations. Remember there’s a lot of stuff to move – a partial list – Cameras, film, editing equipment, sets- (deforestation), costumes, lights, generators- (gas powered), wiring, computers, steel and aluminum latticework- (the result of strip mining.) and last but never least - people! People (a lot of them) have to be moved to the set. And of course the stars need their own trailers! Which by the way are nicer than your house! I wonder how much gas it takes to move one of those trailers? – Maybe George could get a hybrid trailer! You can barely imagine all the pollution involved in getting a film crew to the set!
So now you’ve gone through the grueling process of creating a movie – the next step is to release this sucker to the world. So what’s involved here? Well, first you have to promote, which means sending your movie’s stars out to do the media talk show circuit, and if you casually think that that means only Jay and Dave well… today there are a multitude of venues where you can hock your wares, Oprah, Larry King, CNN MSNBC, FOX, the Today Show, Regis & Kelly, the nosy Rosie’s gabfest The View etc. I could keep going. There’s also Newspapers, Magazines, Radio, on and on. And if you thought that was it, well… that’s just a partial list of places to promote in this country – there’s the rest of the world to pimp to! And that means overseas travel and that means jet planes and if you’re a mega star like George, the studio will provide you with your own private jet! A Gulfstream 6 is the latest model, I think. I wonder how much fuel a private jet uses per mile? Hummm…
After our private jet lands, our mega star has to get to their promotional venue – the BBC, Match, Der Spiegel, etc., and you don’t get to those venues hitchhiking. Either a car will pick you up or if you’re as big as George, an Ozone depleting Limo will pick you up! Either way it’s more fossil fuel burning! Is it really necessary to use all that fuel just to promote a movie?
Then there’s the ubiquitous movie poster! I wonder how much of a tree holocaust is created from the production of movie posters to advertise Mr. Clooney’s movies? You also have to add into this mix those dopey standing cardboard cutout displays as well as newspaper and magazine advertisements! Wow! That’s a lot of trees!
Okay you got the movie finished and you got the advertisements out, now what? – Well, now you need people, ( hopefully a lot of people ) to go see your movie. Of course the way most people get to the movies is by the greenhouse producing non-hybrid car! And, they don’t just go one way, all those people have to get home as well! And, a few months after the movie exits the theaters it then comes out on DVD. Which means you have to produce the DVD and it’s case - both of which are made of plastic! Plastic which is made from petroleum! You also need to slap a slick a label on that sucker, which is made of paper with printed ink!
After you produce the DVD it then has to be delivered to multitudinous stores across America as well as around the world. And how do most of those DVDs get to the stores? Yes! A diesel spewing, earth shaking, gas guzzling monster eighteen wheeler truck! Maybe Mr. Clooney could help the engineers in Detroit develop a hybrid truck?
You now need someone to purchase all those DVDs – that’s right–all those people driving to malls all across America to purchase Mr. Clooney’s movies! Maybe he could help the planet and buy all of those people hybrids?
Of course up until now we’ve just covered movies, don’t forget the TV show that made Mr. Clooney a star – “ER.” You can throw Jennifer Aniston in here as well, being she spent a gazillion years on the TV show “Friends.” Starring in a TV show produces even more pollution than movies because the average TV series films more than twenty-two episodes a year! And the real reason stars get paid such stellar salaries is not because their employers (the networks) like them - it’s because the more of you people who watch their shows, the more money the network can charge advertisers to air commercials on those shows. And more they can charge the more the actors can make! So the truth is that George and Jennifer can thank advertisers for their luxurious lifestyles. You know big, greedy, evil, polluting corporations! The goal of advertisers of course is to get YOU to hop into your, ozone depleting, global warming, evil oil company supported car, and go the mall to buy their products!
Talk about pollution! Imagine all of you people traveling about buying stuff you’ve seen advertised on “ER” and “Friends!” You can’t imagine all the pollution that’s been created from both these shows throughout the years. Just imagine all the pollution George and Jennifer have been responsible for!
There you have it, if I had more time I could go on and on. I’ve just skimmed the surface of all the ancillary pollution that the movie and TV industry are responsible for.
Look!... Here he comes!... Do you believe it? Here he is! Hey Mr. Clooney–tell us about that spiffy hybrid car you got there -oh you’re so cool! What a great environmental statement! You’re such a big star that you don’t need a polluting Limo. Please share with us how much you care. And please make more movies like Syriana, about evil, greedy oil companies. Please share your concerns about the environment and global warming. Please Mr. Clooney, may we please get a glimpse of your Oscar? You know the one that’s metal and gold plated – made of raw materials which had to be obtained from strip mines using huge diesel burning trucks and cranes. Thank you so much! Byyyye! I see Jennifer is right behind you – Yoo Hoo! Jennifer - Over here! – “Hi!” How’s Braa.. Oh, sorry…never mind – niiice car!
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