Nancy Pelosi - LIAR!

Slink - Chop!

That sound - of an ever-efficient guillotine, marked the end of King Louis XIV’s reign of France, and official beginning of France’s bloody 1792 Revolution.

Maximilien Robespierre, in league with the radical leftist Jacobin party, had the gift of oration. Denouncing Louis, and boasting of incorruptibility, made him popular with the masses, and he was appointed – get ready for it – Public Accuser. A title, which brings to mind another wonderfully woeful time know as the Spanish Inquisition.

His oration and plotting helped engineer Louis execution, after which he, and his fellow revolutionaries formed a committee of 12 to preside over France's bloody nightmare.

Now, a modern day Robespierre wannbe comes delivered to us in the most unlikely of forms - House speaker, Nancy Pelosi.

Pelosi, a far leftist Democrat, would be most comfortable among the French Jacobins, having spent the past eight, going on nine years, without pause, whining about the Bush administration.

In true Robespierreian fashion, in an effort to “open the Bastille,” Miss Pelosi (public accuser), governed by uncontrollable partisan impulses, has led a cacophonous parade of Democrats (Jacobins) calling for ironically named “truth commissions,” to prosecute Bush administration officials on seemingly everything they enacted, from the Patriot Act, to Guantanamo Prison, to C.I.A. torture techniques.

Standing on a pyramid of soap-boxes, (which would cause Pharaoh Ramses II to be envious), Pelosi has taken the lead in demanding the release of previously classified C.I.A. photographs, depicting tortured enemy combatants. To what end?

In a maniacal effort to guillotine the Bush Administration, Democrats have come to the bizarre conclusion that any discomfort given to captured enemy combatants, (anyone caught on a battlefield aiding the enemy, or shooting at our troops) is to be considered torture.

But, as with all things political, a very large horse fly flew into their carefully manufactured virginal ointment. That fly, arrived in the in the guise of a political reporter’s question.

During a recent press conference, which the word awkward would be far too mild a description, fumbling through notes, the Speaker denied being briefed on torture (water-boarding) techniques the C.I.A. employed over the past eight years. A reporter then asked, “Madam Speaker, just to be clear, you’re accusing the C.I.A. of lying to you in September of 2002?” The Speaker’s answer, “yes, misleading the congress of the United States!”

Pelosi’s answer opened up a Pandora’s box, causing the “accused” C.I.A. to go on the warpath, releasing previously unseen documents, showing Miss Pelosi had been fully informed, and assented (voicing absolutely no objection at the time) to it’s interrogation methods.

Pelosi’s next blow came when President Obama, in a complete about-face from candidate Obama, decided to take the advice of his military commanders.

Recalling Abu-ghraib prison torture photos, which riled up anti-American fervor in Iraq, the President’s military brass warned him that release of these new photos will make life tougher for our troops in Iraq. The administration has now decided not to release the offending photos.

Following Obama’s about-face, at precisely the wrong moment, an “Et-tu Brute?” event reared it’s head, when Democrat, former Clinton chief of staff, now C.I.A. director, Leon Pinetta, released a memo basically saying “cut it out Miss Speaker! The C.I.A. didn’t lie to you, or the congress!”

Obama’s about-face, the C.I.A. document release, and Pinetta’s admonishing memo, have effectively tilted the guillotine in Speaker Pelosi’s direction. In supreme irony, Pelosi now finds herself in the midst of being swallowed up by her own assertions.

Nervous Republicans, who, would rather be water-boarded, than deal with impending Democrat torture investigations and “truth squads,” have now been buoyed by Pelosi’s self inflicted wounds, and from an unlikely source; that evil of all evils, Darth Vader to Democrats everywhere, former Vice President Dick Cheney.

Cheney, pedigreed with a genetic talent for making Democrats insane, appeared on a CNN Sunday talk show. Defending the Bush administration, Cheney, posited a good question; how does the Obama administration’s releasing of torture photos, and closing Guantanamo prison make America more safe? This ignited the intended firestorm among the Dems., and main-stream media.

With evidence mounting against the Speakers assertions, the torture debates have taken an ironic turn. What caused Democrats to salivate; being “that close” to hoisting Bush and Cheney’s heads upon pikes, now has Republicans doing a Snoopy dance over Pelosi’s self inflicted woes.

The chances of Pelosi loosing her speakership are rather remote, as the Democrats control both houses of congress. Also, Republicans are more than happy to keep a wounded, gaff prone opponent around. But, what Republicans are really looking for is a way to cut off torturous torture debates and “truth commissions,” as well as silence future Democrat accusations regarding the Bush administration’s handling of the war.

The French Revolution was a death-knell for their Monarchical system of government. Unfortunately, the revolution to replace it turned out to be far worse, leaving blood soaked streets, devouring not only King Louis, but his executioners as well.

Speaker Pelosi, and her neo-Jacobins, have come to ascension waving the banner of “change.”

Miss Pelosi when sworn in as speaker, promised to lead the “most honest, most open, and most ethical congress in history.”

Robespierre, promising much the same, wielding almost total power at the Revolution’s apex, ended up going to the guillotine with a literal self-inflicted gunshot wound to his jaw. Pelosi, now, with her own self-inflicted wound, might not be heading to the guillotine just yet, but her overreaching has taken her one step closer. Slink –chop!

For What Ails You

Has your stomach been churning? Is your breathing a bit labored lately? Has it been difficult getting out of bed? Is it difficult finding other things to watch on T.V. besides the political shows you so savored just a few weeks back? Well my sad fellow Republicans, it’s not the flu you have, you are suffering from Obamaitis.

Unfortunately, there will be no recovery on your horizon for at least four years, so just skip paying your overpriced doctor.

Obamaitis - it comes, when, after eight, weary years of driving your USA SUV over bumpy roads, and in a state of exhaustion, handing the car keys over to the incessantly screaming kids in the back seat.

But, my fellow sad sacks, thought I can’t cure you, I will present you with a few hopeful reasons to smile.

If John McCain had won this election we would all be doing gigs, dancing the McCainarana! Patting ourselves on the back for delivering a sucker punch to the lefties. The satisfaction of having the underdog beating the odds and pulling off the ultimate upset. Yes, we would barely be able to contain ourselves. If we died, the coroner would have a tough time wiping the smile from our faces – that is how happy we would be.

Unfortunately, that jubilation has been reserved for the Obamaites. Flush with self-satisfaction, there’s almost nothing Republicans, nor conservatives can say to wipe the smile off their rightfully smug faces. And lets face it – at this point, it’s
what stings us the most.

In our current sad sack state, it’s understandable that we find ourselves taking
the drive to downtown pityville USA, and saddling up to the bar for a pint of wallow-tonic, on tap.

Take my pal Rush Limbaugh, for example, who, had almost nothing good to say about John McCain before he managed
to win the Republican primary, is now so upset, that he actually hopes that the people who voted for Obama in Ohio, and Virginia, would loose their jobs “because when people do stupid things (Obama said he would strictly regulate the coal industry) they should learn a lesson.”

As I listened I wondered, was this was the same Rush, who made the point, that liberals don’t care how they obtain power, and lamenting the fact that the Democrats, and Obama were hopeful for a bad economy because that was their only path to winning the White House? Oh, how quickly the mighty crack!

If Rush can saddle up to the pityville-bar, for a pint of woe, then you my mere mortal, can hardly be blamed for pulling up a bar stool. But, as we clink glasses, I say, cheer up! As I attempt to provide you with a few points of sudsy solace.

Point one - over the past four years we conservatives have suffered through the tumultuous Presidency of George W. Bush. When Mr. Bush ran for office eight years ago under the dubious banner of “compassionate conservative,” he was signaling to the people who were going to actually decide that election, independents, that they had nothing to fear from him, he was not like those nasty, cold hearted S.O.B. conservatives, who wanted to impeach President Clinton. No, he was a going to be a nice guy, meaning - a compromiser. Well… we conservatives can happily say goodbye to that fallacious branding.

President Bush’s compassion has manifest itself in the form of costly spending programs to “fix” things. Something, akin to 300 grit sandpaper, which rubs us cold hearted Republicans the wrong way.

Point two - throughout the Bush years, there have been more than a few hubristic bad apple Republicans, ie: representative, and former Vietnam flying ace, Randall “duke” Cunningham, convicted of having military contractors give him gifts and buy his house at a greatly inflated price. Then there was the licentious, rumored to be gay, Florida representative Tom Foley, sending very suggestive emails to male interns. And now we have the petty, and taxpayer costly, Alaska Senator, Ted Stevens, accepting gifts and free labor from constituents. Well… I say adios amigos! I don’t want to have to defend corruption – I’ll happily leave that to the donkeys.

John McCain, throughout much of his career, has been labeled by the media, a “maverick.” A maverick, because he’s his own island when it comes to political philosophy. Which really means that he has no philosophy. Which means that when listening to him campaign, one was hard pressed to find any unifying, or even coherent message. Which resulted in his defeat.

Point three - Bush “the compassionate”, McCain “the maverick,” both come adorned with muddled versions of Reagan conservatism. And, if there had been a McCain Presidency, we would have had more of the same. Well… we don’t have to concern ourselves with that nonsense anymore.

Point four - “Mr. Maverick”, hopped onto the hybrid global warming bandwagon, and was more than willing to “invest,” our taxpayer dollars to “save the planet.” Like most conservatives, I, don’t believe the planet needs any “saving.” And, if it did need saving, the U.S. Federal government, is the last super-hero you would turn to for that task. Another thing, dear conservatives, we now, don’t have to worry about. Let the donkeys pray to the global warming god.

Point five – most importantly - All is Shangri-la in donkeyville now, but, with the Democrats controlling both the White House and Congress, there’s sure to be much infighting for the war spoils. Amidst all this infighting, a loyal, formally muted, opposition of conservatism should renew itself from the ragtag remnants of our party.

In life nothing moves in a straight line, and so it is with conservatism. After difficult eight years of trying to “shoehorn,” a Bush presidency into a Reagan philosophy, it will be nice NOT to have to do that with an equally un-conservative McCain.

As for me, I’m happy to let the kids riding in the back seat, who, for eight years, have been kicking our seats non-stop, incessantly fighting, and asking, of the war, ‘are we there yet?’, have their moment at the wheel of our SUV-USA. We’ve been driving for too long and have gotten lost. Our party fell asleep at the wheel. It’s time for us to have a pullover, and let those boisterous brats in the back seat take the wheel, while we take a brief siesta in that back seat.

I definitely won’t be taking any cues from the Democrats, about how to act when you don’t get what you want. Democrats, who, when George Bush won both of his elections, acted as if the apocalypse were upon us. These open minded, compassionate, multi-cultural people, who, perversely, accuse us Republicans of being narrow minded, bigoted, racist ogres - treated us to eight years of nonstop whining, kicking and screaming, and vilely comparing President Bush to Hitler.

No thank you, I don’t think I want to be seen acting like a spoiled five year old for the next four years. After all, we are the “daddy” party, which is one of the reasons I became a Republican.

I will wish President Obama well. He’s going to be my President now, and for the country’s sake, I sincerely want him to succeed. There will be plenty of time to form a loyal opposition to form, but for now my dear Obamaitis ridden chums, hop in the big comfy USA SUV back seat, and enjoy a nice nap to recoup your strength. After our brief nap, we’ll get to kick the stuffing out of the driver’s seat, and incessantly whine about where we’re going. Plenty of time for fun! Now slide over, cause I’m not sitting on the hump!

A Setback For Race Relations

Uncork the champagne! Barak Obama, the man of the hour, after a brutally long, (a year and a half) and wearying political campaign, looks as if he will have an easy gallop to the Presidency. Thanks to a plummeting stock market, sinking faster than a poor sap wearing a cement overcoat in the East river. Combined with the inept and chaotic thinking of John McCain, which has translated to his campaign staff, as they try to keep up with their candidate’s indecipherable rhetoric, Obama, who comes equipped with a quiet and easy demeanor, has only to be concerned, with committing a large verbal gaff. Which, if history is any guide, is a minutely small possibility.

For all of Barak Obama’s claims of “change,” one can detect very little of it in his stated agendas, filled with hazy notions, that voters, who, after this insanely long election season, (enough to make drying paint interesting), are exhausted, and don’t seem the least bit interested in knowing.

As many in today’s mainstream media are actively and openly rooting, without any pretense of being objective, for Mr. Obama, the real question is - why? Well… one reason is obvious, Democrats, finding no problem too small for government to solve, agree with Obama’s, nebulous agenda. Another, the mainstream media ie: ABC, NBC, and CBS, are inhabited in overwhelming numbers, by self-admitted liberals.

But, why are the mainstream media, rooting so openly for Obama? Well… here’s your answer – slavery. It’s that simple. What separates those on the left from those of us on the right is - guilt. It’s what defines you as a Democrat. Those on the left don’t want anyone to suffer, or be without anything at anytime, otherwise they “feel” bad. So they look to government, (which is more than happy to accommodate their guilt) to relieve them of their “burdens.”

Those of us, conservatives, (such as myself) who are not burdened by such guilt, believe that in this country, anyone can make it if they’re willing to work hard, and if they don’t make it and remain impoverished, it’s not because of white racism.

I believe those on the left, are genetically prone toward feeling guilt. Which extends – ridiculously, to slavery. An institution formerly ended, (with a war which left over six hundred thousand dead) in 1864, by President Lincoln.

I can’t believe I have to make this point, but - Today, there is absolutely no one alive in this country who has ever owned a slave. And no one alive who’s parent, grand parents, or great grand parents, have ever owned another human being. Yet, those on the left, existing in some bizzaro world – feel burdened by guilt over the matter.

So, you ask - why feel guilty? Well…and here we come to the heart of the matter. The guilt liberals feel, is as I stated above, partly genetic, and more ominously, narcissistic. It’s a guilt that they believe can be solved by merely pulling a lever, ie: I’m a Democrat, I’m morally superior to those who disagree with me because I care about the poor, unprivileged, the minority class, and those right wing nut jobs, don’t. And, because I vote for the right people – ie: those who do care - therefore I care, which makes me a good citizen.

The narcissistic nature of those on the left is what is most ominous. Ominous, because it has no end. If your basic disposition is to feel guilt for all you have, and for others who have less, there becomes an endless need to assuage that guilt. And, that type of guilt can destroy a democracy.

Recently at their second Presidential debate, John McCain pointed and referred to Barak Obama as “that one.” Emphasizing a point to the audience of a big spending bill proposed by the Bush administration, and voted for by Obama.

The next day some in the media were actually speculating if McCain’s finger pointing was a subtle racist jesture. Huh? Am I missing something here? Uh-Oh, thought I.

Next, we had Representative John Lewis, a respected icon of the civil rights movement, saying that McCain’s campaign reminded him of the George Wallace campaign (The now deceased former separatist governor of Alabama.) This, because a few idiots, at a few of McCain’s campaign rallies were shouting moronic things.

These are just a few bizarre examples, which pass for legitimate opinion in today’s media, and are the result of an obsession with race. An ominous omen for our future as Senator Obama is about to become the first minority to ascend to the Presidency.

Will today’s media, who’s collective cowardice, which would embarrass a lion in Oz, be able to pass any criticism upon Obama? If things went horribly wrong ie: another costly war, budget deficits, even worse than they are now, or horrible social policy - would the media, and liberals, white Americans ever criticize Obama? And, if they did, would black Americans see that criticism as legitimate, or a sign of racism? The answer to the above is no and yes respectively.

White liberals, in electing Obama, will be excising the narcissistic guilt they feel over slavery. Believing things will be gloriously better for them, black Americans will be basking in the glory of the first “African American” Presidency. Of course, as with all things in life, sometimes getting what you wish becomes a rued proposition.

Throughout this campaign Senator Obama, has barely mentioned race, and the sad state of black inner city culture. Like the abundantly eared Horton, - I can barely hear the Who. One might suppose that Obama, on the verge of becoming the first minority to ascend to the Presidency, would have as one of his main platforms, solutions for black inner city poverty.

The comedian, Bill Cosby, who rose to prominence during the nineteen sixties, has actually experienced real racism; risen above, and around it, to become one of our country’s greatest comedians and wealthiest American’s. Cosby has, in recent years, made a crusade of telling the black inner city what it doesn’t want to hear.

With seven out of ten black children being born out of wedlock, his message is this – “straighten up and fly right!” Young women, stop having babies! Young black men, stop listening to the putrid, destructive, rantings of rap music – stop the cursing, (using the “N” word) – show respect for women. Stay in school; aspire to go to college. Learning, and being smart is not “being white.” A message many white Americans applaud.

One might think, that someone of Cosby’s historical caliper, imparting words of wisdom, would be a welcome voice in the black community. But, not so, for all his altruism, Cosby has been rebuffed as an elitist, and branded by some black Americans, and oddly, even some guilt ridden white ultra-liberals, as an “uncle tom.”

So resistant has inner city black culture become to reason, that they’re willing to toss one of their own out the window, because he dares to utter the truth – something victimization industries, made up of Jacksons, Sharptons, and strangely enough, “educators,” of the world, have brain washed the inner city culture to reject.

I fear this is an omen of things to come. I see any criticism of an Obama administration as being met with cries of racism. And, I see Barak Obama doing absolutely nothing to stem that sentiment. What advantage would there be for Obama to say criticisms of his policies are legitimate, and not based on his race?

Indeed, throughout this campaign, Obama has shown little appetite for controversy. For someone with such a bold catch phrase as “change,” he treads most cautiously around issues. Proposals he labels as “bold” are, when examined, just the same re-hashed liberalism that’s been sputtered by Democrats since the beginning of the last century. In this case, if he’s to live up to his rhetoric, media and public expectation, Obama, will need to pull something a lot more engaging than a rabbit out of his hat.

With Senator Obama’s inevitable victory, I, being a conservative, am left with only one hope. Which is this: that once sitting behind his rather ample desk, ensconced in that oddly shaped room, President Obama will be inspired by the likes of Mr. Cosby, Martian Luther King, Fredrick Douglas, Thomas Soule, and Walter Williams. All who’ve written, and preached self-reliance; an end to black separatism and self-pity. All of whom have preached - the end of racism will come, not by wallowing in it, but rising above it.

If, after four, or eight years, there’s only one “change” to come out of an Obama Presidency, I would hope it would be a change in government rhetoric and more importantly policy, toward the black inner city.

Wouldn’t it be great if Obama ignored the teachers unions and implemented school choice, by providing vouchers for inner city parents, paying for their children to attend better institutions. This would cause the schools to compete for students, creating a better learning environment.

Wouldn’t it be great, if once a week, President Obama, would put forth one of his oratorical masterpieces, echoing the themes of Mr. Cosby?

Wouldn’t it be just fine if the only “change” that occurs in an Obama administration, actually occurs in black inner city culture, with a belief in self- reliance, in the belief that white America owes you nothing. Wouldn’t it?

We’re these things to occur, I would happily admit to being wrong about Barak Obama. I would happily say (much to the delight of my family) that President Obama was a transformative figure in American history.

However, judging from his past, in Chicago, being part of a race based, culturally separatist “church,” for twenty-five years, with it’s racist preacher as his mentor. Associating with dubious characters; Resco, Ayers, etc. And his absolute lack for creating any great “change” legislatively in his political past, forgive me dear reader for being highly dubious.

From what I’ve witnessed so far, I fear an Obama administration will lead to an inflation of the tensions that exits in black inner cities today. Without challenging conventional mores, which has set in within liberal and inner city cultures. An Obama Presidency will become a footnote in history because of the ascendancy of the first black American to its office. But, without a sea change in race relations, will be seen as a sadly missed opportunity for real “change.” The result will be, an Obama Presidency judged not by the content of it’s character, but, by the color of it’s skin.

To quote the immortal words of Dr. Martin Luther King – “I have a dream, I have a dream!”

New Year's '08, Not So Great

Happy New Year Everyone!
In case your New Year started off on the wrong foot - enjoy this
"a little too long" tale. Misery loves company.

I wrote this more for myself than anyone else - Self-Exorcism.

But, after dipping this in some holy water, I decided I had the need to share my angst! So my gain is your loss -
If you're sensitive to pain - hit delete NOW!

This tale contains very little exaggeration - well maybe a teensy, weensy bit, but not much.

I was ambling down my driveway this afternoon to retrieve the mail - and when I got to the bottom of my driveway, I found my solid 15lb. steel mailbox perched upon a steel post, which is sunk into a cement footing 2 and one half feet into the earth, had been decapitated by a city plow being driven by a New Year's eggnog laden plow guy!!

So after stamping my feet for a bit and cursing plowmen everywhere, I gather up my mortally wounded steel box which was poking out of a five feet high plowed glacier, and tossed in into the Jeep. I headed right off
to the Town of Esopus Department of Highway Maintenance and dropped it's corpse onto the desk of a very perplexed woman.

Silence ensued for about 4 or 5 seconds as we each tried to figure out what was happening and waited for the other to speak.

She won - I spoke first - with a bit of rectitude in my voice- "so what are we going to do about this?"

She formed an incorrect reply - "do about what?"

"About this!" I exclaimed - "You" I said (with an unwavering pointed finger and stare) did this!"

"What did I do?" Came another incorrect reply.

So I preceded to explain what I thought was self-explanatory, and concluded - that I was most unpleased, and that someone would have to compensate me for this dastardly act upon my bill delivery storage center.

The steadily annoying women answered "wait here" - and ambled to a room behind her where I heard her muffled voice explaining the situation. A pause - few minutes pass.

Out emerges a man who I sized up in 2 seconds - someone who doesn't give a shit about me, or any other problems the universe might present upon him.

I know just from his haircut ( which I guessed to be about two to three years of age), and finely tailored stained plaid jacket hanging upon finely stained overalls, which rumpled up his legs - which were obviously looking forward to their once a New Year's visit, to the washing machine. All this was squeezed into a very fine pair properly mud stained, knee high boots. - (Hey, I know a clue when it presents itself!).

So - he presents the same blank stare the not so lovely women gave me, and drawls out - "So what's the problem?"

Upon vigorously rubbing my eyes I exclaim, "This was my mailbox, I need a new one and you need to provide me with one." Judging from his stare, I guessed that this was the wrong answer to his question.

"So", he said "what do you want me to do about it?"

More eye rubbing.

"I want the town to replace my mailbox, I can't get my mail, I'm going to have to drive to the Post Office everyday to get my mail!"

"Well" he begins, "By law we're not required to replace anything. That mailbox you have is NOT considered to be a NY. State regulated mailbox."

"What do you mean, Not R-E-G-U-L-A-T-E-D??" I pointedly asked.

Now this man, who one would never imagine, but should expect, knows every highway regulation on the books and proceeds to explain -

"By New York State law, we're not required to replace any mailbox, except a state regulated one, which is a $9 - $12.00 mailbox that sits upon a four foot high, 2x4 wood post. And if I wanted to, I'm not even obligated to replace any type of mailbox!" That mailbox you have there is considered high end, and NOT at regulation standards."

In my mind, I'm quickly trying to grapple with the thought, that even in it's current condition, my mailbox exceeds any NY. State "Regulated" mailbox.

I thought, as I'm sure most sane people do - that when you regulated something it was supposed to be of a higher standard than the norm. Then I came to my senses and settled the quandary, - realizing that I DO live in NY. State.

Who knew? But after a second or two, as he explained why I was sadly ignorant of my current situation, I knew New York State, which never disappoints, would require me to "bend over and spread my legs."

With the tiniest scintilla of sympathy he said "I'm sorry, but this was an accident."

"I assumed this was an accident." I acknowledged. "but I pay a lot of taxes - too many taxes not to have my plowed over mailbox replaced!"

I'll tell you what, I will replace your mailbox with a New York State regulated mailbox - how's that?" Have I landed in a Monty Python sketch? - where's the Dead Parrot?

"But I want you to replace MY mailbox!"

"Even if I wanted to - by law, I couldn't replace that exact mailbox, I would get into trouble!"

The one thing I know about this guy is that he and trouble avoid each other at all cost.

So, realizing my fate, and considering that I live in a state, bound by rules that John Gotti would admire,
I say "FINE! Whatever. I need my mail, so I'll take a R-E-G-U-L-A-T-I-O-N mailbox to get me through the winter." And in the Spring I'll install a REAL Mailbox - I told myself.

Only this time I'll get bridge worker to sink a skyscraper "I" beam 10 ft. into a cement footing, in the ground and have a professional bridge welder attach the 50lb. Cast Iron Non-R-E-G-U-L-A-T-E-D mailbox to it.

Sensing my resignation, taking unusual mercy on me, he says "I'll send some guys out tomorrow to install a regulation mailbox for you. Everything will be fine by tomorrow night."

"But it's supposed to be 18 degrees tomorrow and the ground is frozen and under the 5ft. high snow bank your plow driver created!" I replied.

"That'll be no problem, we have equipment to take care of that." He says.

Removing my mailbox corpse from their front desk I mutter,"Okay, I'll see your guys tomorrow."

As I leave for my car, a thought occurs - the Town of Esopus Dept. of Maintenance, can sink a mailbox in the frozen ground during sub-freezing temperatures, but they can't replace my formerly lovely shiny mailbox.

Next winter, when it snows, I'll surround my new Re-sunk and welded "I" beam mailbox, with Police approved tack laden, street rumple strips.

And when a distracted plow driver gets particularly close to my mailbox destroys his plow, and looses his tires, skidding and flipping into a snow bank - and the incredulous highway department wants me arrested,
I'll inform them that the state doesn't say anything about "regulations" for a NON "regulated" mailbox, and that my particular rumple strips are New York State, Police Regulated, and I have the right to protect my property which includes my mailbox, from your plows, because I now know that you don't do the "Lazurus mailbox" deal, so I can't be responsible for your plow or your tires!

The State line sign should read - "Welcome to New York - Drop your Shorts and smile!"

THERE - I feel better now... how about you??
Welcome to '08 Everyone

PS. - Next Winter, feel free to attend my trial -
I was born and raised in NY. I'm smarter than I look... Maybe.

Illegal Aliens - Adios Amigos

It was a wake-up call- the last straw. It became crystalline clear, to everyone but weaselly politicians, who, sniffing around for Hispanic votes, were blinded to its implications. What was this seminal event of which I’m am to pontificate about? It actually took place last year when hundreds of thousands of illegal aliens in an organized display of arrogance, that would have impressed Hitler’s Third Reich, marched through the streets of every major U.S. city in protest of President Bush’s “immigration reform” act.

Americans watched in stunned disbelief as every network and cable news channel ran live footage of the invading mobs, clad with Mexican flags, hurling insults, (in two languages), at President Bush (something he’s become comfortable with), the Congress, and Americans in general, incredulously demanding legal status and workers rights to which they aren’t entitled.

To add to this insanity, in a Twilight Zone moment, most of the news media coverage
adopted a curious attitude. Much of the reporting seemed decidedly sympathetic toward the mob. The coverage seemed as if its point was to instill guilt among its viewers.
It’s actually YOUR fault for the invading army’s difficult living conditions.

But, this situation didn’t occur in a vacuum. Like a volcano slowly building its caldera after years of eruptions, a showdown has been brewing. The first eruption began in 1986, when, in a sincere effort, President Ronald Reagan wanted, and got an amnesty (which he denied it was) bill through the congress. The bill was supposed to put an end to all this peskiness. Back in ’86 these border jumpers were aptly referred to as “illegal Aliens”, which made it clear to anyone the status of the people we were referring to.

This bill basically was designed to accomplish two simple things. One - grant a one time amnesty to what was then estimated to be (who could really know) approximately 6 million people living here illegally. And two - build fences and add extra border patrol agents to the U.S.- Mexican border. This was to be the tidy end of the whole distasteful subject. Simple enough.

Our “esteemed” government accomplished the “amnesty” part of the ’86 act, (which was quite easy to accomplish - all they were required to do was – NOTHING!) but of course they made failure look good, by doing nothing to stem the tide of border hoppers into our country. Now the approximately 6 million illegal aliens have become an estimated (again, who knows) 12 million and counting! Good job Uncle Sam!

Now come dear reader and ride with me as we zip forward in our nifty little time machine, 21 years into the future. Alas startled traveling buddy, little has changed. Okay, okay, everyone has cell phones, cable TV. and You Tube. Aside from that everything appears to be just about where we left it. Everything but the language, that is. There are new words floating about, HD TV, Google, text message, ipod, and the newly minted iphone, and with regard to this debate, “immigrant.” Having just zipped in from 1986, you might be forgiven for thinking that the U.S. government, in order to control population, was committed to major sea change, and proposed a stop to all immigration. Well, dear fellow time traveler, you now have to deal with the unintended consequences of believing your government when it tells you it’s going to fix a problem. Which is why you should prevent them from “fixing” as few problems as possible. The one unintended and unforseeable consequence of the erstwhile ’86 “immigration” act – was - (as I’m about to explain) – LANGUAGE.

Now more than 12 million illegal aliens have joined together with deliriously eager constituency groups and mercenary fleets of lawyers, including the A.C.L.U. to help them gain political power, (of which they’re not in any way entitled ) and in an attempt to blur the lines between right and wrong, brainwash Americans to believe that the word “illegal” has been deleted from the dictionary.

Just in case the above brainwashing technique might have worked on you, here’s the English -- Spanish translation – “Illegal Alien”=“Undocumented Immigrant.” Which was phase one to your “re-education.” Phase two, which has just begun is this - “Illegal Alien” = “Immigrant.” I know, I know … you might be thinking “hey, If the word “illegal” is removed from the vocabulary, how do I know the difference between a “documented” or “Legal immigrant” and people who illegally sneak into our country?” If that question DOES occur to you then your brain needs to be tossed into the Maytag for another rinse cycle.

So here we are - in the year 2007. Misinformation campaign in full bloom, and alas another stab at “fixing” the illegal “immigration” problem is taken up by our “esteemed” government. I’m going to bypass all the intricacies of the current Senate bill, (don’t worry, even the Senators who have sponsored this mouse trap don’t know what’s in there), but here are a few highlights.

The current plan, which would cause Rube Goldberg to wince, would have the U.S. government build 700 miles of new fencing (fence? What about a nice shiny gigantically tall wall?) in conjunction with surveillance drones and cameras and an increase of 18 thousand border patrol agents. In concurrence to this, the government would issue what are referred to as Z visas (supposedly tamper proof) to present day illegal aliens (excuse me, “immigrants”) allowing them to remain here after filling out legal forms and paying a 5 thousand dollar fine – how many illegal aliens have five thousand to toss around? After doing all that, they would be given permission to stay and work here for two years, and in bizarre bureaucratic logic, after which they would have to return to their country of origin and apply for full legal status to get back here. In addition to this, employers will be heavily fined for each “immigrant” they illegally hire. And there you have it – Now that seems simple enough - (insert sarcasm here) – don’t you think?

Anyway, as of now, that was, the “plan that was.” After a flood – (that would cause Noah to marvel) - of emails and phone calls of protest from sane people, with good memories, (ie: Mexican flag waving mobs in the streets), who live on planet earth, in three dimensions, the U.S. Senate – (who live in “beltway world,” which contains none of the logic of the three dimensional world), took heed, at the thought of loosing their jobs, and decidedly killed the monster! A rare triumph for the forces of good!

If our wrongheaded President and congress wanted to have the respect of normal citizens then all they had to do was pass a law to build an “immigrant’ proof wall across the entire border, and hire a gob full of border patrol agents. It’s that simple. Yes people in “beltway world” we remember 1986 and all we want now is a “show Me” bill. Build it and they will go. As a recently eloquent internet Ad admonished – “Build the Wall!” After that when the human tide is noticeably reduced to a trickle, then we can talk about issuing Biometric Z visas. Do that U.S. government, and you can then legitimately claim to represent the people of the United States – who actually don’t live in “Beltway world.”

An old saying goes, “If you give a man (written in an obviously sexist time) enough rope he’ll eventually hang himself. Which is exactly what occurred this week. Last year illegal aliens became so comfortable living here that they brazenly took to the streets en masse to actually demand rights to which they weren’t entitled, Americans watched and saw what amounted to an invading army - Enough rope.

This week, trolling for future Hispanic votes (even illegal ones) both Democrats and oddly Republicans, in an act of colossal hubris tried to push through a virtually unenforceable immigration bill against the wishes of it’s own citizenry and only stopped after the sharp knives of the American people came out - Enough rope.

And finally, not that this has anything to do immigration, but seems like it should not go unmentioned - Paris, yes, “Her photogenicness”, was sprung from the big house. Ms. Hilton, in her first post pokey interview with Larry King was asked if she read the bible while in the hoosegow. Ms. Glitz replied that yes, yes indeed she had been reading her bible. In response Mr. King asked what her if she had a favorite passage – she paused – suspiciously unable to recall any top ten hits – and replied that there were so many passages she just couldn’t choose. Well… I suppose we’ll always have her – There’s enough money here to afford a lot more rope.

The Week That Was...

Well…here I sit looking back on this first week in February 2007 in delighted marvel at what has transpired! If you’re a news junky as I am and you revel in all things ugly and salacious then this week was your week, a news Super Chili Bowl of ingredients that when mixed together make for the tastiest of meals.

It all actually started the previous week when former New York City Mayor, Rudolph Giuliani announced that he intended to toss his "hat" in the ring for the two thousand eight Presidential race. The actual announcement came last week, but polls and real speculation stretched into Monday – Is Rudy too liberal for the Southern conservative base – he’s Pro Choice and in favor of gay rights. By the time the sun rose on Monday, there were plenty of news polls showing that Giuliani was actually running way ahead of long time Republican front runner John McCain. And surprisingly (to the oddly clueless news media) many conservatives said that they could vote for the independent minded former Mayor because of his amazing 911 performance. It really shouldn’t be a shock that many conservatives like myself, like Rudy. After all, the specter of terrorism still eclipses our nation. Unless in some miraculous bizzaro world, the Iraqis decide to stop fighting and pick up the “plowshares”, then security will be a major issue and Mayor Giuliani is the only candidate running that actually has a record of real leadership during a crisis – the nation’s worst crisis- and I suspect that if a nuclear device were to go off in anywhere in this country, abortion and gay rights will be the last thing on anyone’s mind! Anyway, as I said, being a news junky the “Giuliani, can he appeal to conservatives story” was a nice start to the week.

Not to be outdone by the former mayor, the newly minted Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi (the San Francisco treat!) decided that the Air Force commuter jet she uses to shuttle her back and forth between Washington D.C. to San Francisco was too small. In addition to that, her current “Wright Flyer” was unable to cross the country in one hop without refueling, and the inconvenience of having to make a stop along the way was just… well…too inconvenient for someone with sooo much important work to do for the poor and down trodden. After all she can’t be expected to travel back and forth without her staff, friends, and family! So, Ms. Pelosi requested a larger Military jet, a C-32, spiffily equipt with 42 business class seats, is the military equivalent of the Boeing 757 passenger plane. And you’ll be happy to know dear taxpayer, that just one of Ms. Pelosi’s magical mystery round trip flights will cost you a measly Three Hundred Thousand dollars. What a bargain! I seem to remember during last fall’s election some incessant grousing about saddling our children with a rather large budget deficit– hummm…

When questioned by the media about this highflying fiasco, Ms. Pelosi speculated that the Air Force itself was distorting the story because they were miffed by her stance against the perfectly good Iraq war and erstwhile Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld.

Listening to Speaker Pelosi’s “reasoning” causes the words “most ethical congress” to echo in my brain. After winning last fall’s election Ms. Pelosi promised that a new day had dawned and the new Democrat majority would shepherd in a new morality of the highest standards. Little did I imagine that when using the term “highest” standards she was referring to cost and altitude.

Not to be outdone by either the former Mayor of New York or the shiny new House Speaker–another government agency, NASA, decided it needed some attention, but then (too late) thought better about it, when the terms “twenty five thousand dollar bail” and “NASA Astronaut” were linked together in a sentence. As the bizarre news broke that the Orlando Police Department had arrested Space Shuttle Mission Specialist, Astronette, Lisa M. Nowak 43, on attempted murder charges! Seems that all the years of mission training have paid off as Nowak was caught with everything but the Space Shuttle’s Canadian Robotic Arm in her trunk. A comprehensive list of needed “mission” items, along with the items themselves – folding knife, pepper spray, rubber tube, latex gloves, BB gun, plastic bags, a list of e¬-mails from her target, six hundred dollars in cash, and I’m tempted to sing – “and a parrr-t¬ridge in a paare treeee,” but won’t - were shuttled the nine hundred miles to Orlando.

Like a snowball heading down Kilimanjaro, this gem of a tale gathered everything in its wake.
A day later details and wonderful terms such as “Astro-nut” and “Lust In Space” rocketed themselves into the headlines, as we found out that Mission Specialist Nowak, reacting to an affair between fellow Shuttle Pilot (with whom she was in love), William Oefelein, 41 and – 30 yr. old Air Force Capt. Colleen Shipman, drove nine hundred miles, (emulating NASA efficiency), wearing a diaper, (to save pitstop time), from Houston to Orlando to confront her rival at the airport. Dressed in disguise, Nowak, followed Capt. Shipman to her car and started attacking her. Shipman, somehow managed to get into her car but, Nowak, managed to pepper spray her through the car window! Despite having eyes toastier than an atmospheric reentry, Capt. Shipman, managed to get away and call police who were able to nab zero-gee stalker. WOW!

Now, sad and embarrassed, Nowak, is out on bail but, has to wear a Global Positioning System Ankle bracelet, for easy tracking. Wouldn’t it be a wonderfully ironic twist if it were discovered her Shuttle Mission was responsible for placing that particular Global Positioning satellite into orbit? All I know is that I can’t wait for the trial!

Even before the Ankle bracelet started transmiting - The piéces-de-résistance! As Thursday rolled around, not to be outdone by any government agency of any sort – Enter the many faceted Anna Nicole Smith – whose life is a mind numbing soap opera of nothingness. The Playboy playmate, wife - promised a mega-millions worth of money - from now dead 94 year old billionaire (at least he died happy) - J. Howard Marshall - transformed herself to a weight yo-yo-ing, reality show looney, that included her teenage son, Daniel, who died of a drug overdose shortly after she gave birth to daughter Dannielynn,-named sorrowfully after the afore mentioned son. Married to her lawyer, Howard K.-(not to be confused with Radioman-Stern), who claimed fatherhood, after another man, Larry Birkhead, claimed DNA-hood to the recently born daughter. Finally, deciding even she couldn’t take it anymore, by accident or intention, “offed” herself at age 39 in a probable drug overdose!

As of now no one is sure exactly how she died, but Coroner’s have preliminarily ruled out fowl play or physical illness, which most likely leaves drug overdose.

And if you thought you had heard it all, just before the kitchen sink goes wizzing by, the latest news is that Ms. Smith’s baby Dannielynn may not be the baby of either of the afore mentioned men. By Friday, another round of that popular game “Whose your Daddy" reared it's head as yet another “father” came out of the woodwork! Unbelievably, yet not - Ninety-four year old actress, Zsa-Zsa Gabor’s husband, Prince Frederick-Von Anhalt, (who appropriately enough is not really a prince), claims he’s had a ten year relationship with Nicole-Smith, and claims he's Dannielynn’s real father! It hasn’t occurred yet, but I’m anxiously awaiting for the Zsa-Zsa interview.

I have a fairly overactive imagination and I’m going to harness it now. How wonderful would it be if they gave the baby a DNA test and found out that THIS guy was the father!


And then turned out that Hillary had Nicole-Smith poisoned! Now THAT would be a news story!!
At any rate, this story isn’t over by a long shot so please put that kitchen sink down.
All I have to say is – “will somebody, anybody, please do a DNA test on the kid!”

On Saturday…not to be outdone by Rudy Giuliani, Nancy Pelosi, NASA, or the “Blonde tornado,”–(who actually CAN outdo any government agency). Coming full circle (ala Guiliani), the “articulate” and “clean” semi–black American, Barack Obama, standing upon the icy steps of the old Illinois state Capitol building, where in 1858, Lincoln delivered his now famous "House divided by two" anti- slavery speech, officially announced he'll be tossing his “Hat" into the Presidential sweepstakes. Which should have made for a dramatic moment but, after the preceding six days of tornadic joy, felt more like a light breeze blowing from the west.

Ironically, by the end of this wonderfully entertaining week, nothing of real consequence actually occurred. Mr. Giuliani and Mr.Obama, are just beginning their two year long rectal exams, Anna Nicole Smith’s timely demise, will, in the long run have no worldly consequence except to endlessly entertain the vacuously, gossipy pop-media culture. Finally, when you look up into the sky – that glinty spot you see at thirty thousand feet with a greenhouse, ozone destroying chemical trail behind it–is not Superman. Nope, there’s a chance (small though it may be) that glint is a rather large Air Force jet carrying our esteemed House Speaker and company as she cruises along with family and friends, to her next Global Warming conference.

So there you have it–THE WEEK THAT WAS!
Now can I do it? – okay, here it goes – “And A Paaar–triiidge in a Pare treeeeeeee!!

Iran Nukes Israel – Some Thoughts

Lately when thinking about Iran I can’t help but recall the classic dark comedy Dr. Strangelove, a fictional account about nuclear war with the former Soviet Union– the movie ends when a B-52 bomber pilot played by Slim Pickens is sent aloft on a nuclear bombing run to take out Moscow. Pickens gets to the drop zone, presses the bomb release button, but a glitch occurs and he has to head back to the bomb bay to manually release the nuke. But the only way to do that is to physically hop on the bomb and hit the release lever, which of course means he’s goin’ down with the monster! That’s one dedicated pilot! So there it is- Ol’ Slim plunging down to earth straddling the bomb like a bronco, swinging his cowboy hat in the air–“Yeee Haaaa-ing!” all the way to the ground! Great scene!

Now for not so great scene ¬– Imagine Iran finally has “the bomb” and those wacky Mullahs finally decide to take care of the “Zionists”, and launch a nuclear missile or multiple missiles toward Israel. Now what? With all the talk lately about weapons inspectors and treaties and sanctions and uranium enrichment, the one thing nobody in the media seems to be talking about is what happens if Iran should actually lob a nuclear missile toward Israel.

Well, lately I’ve been “Mullahing” that over, and there’s a lot and I mean A LOT to “mull” about. So let’s mull, shall we?

So Iran does the thinkable unthinkable and launches its “Zion buster” - now what?
It’s a given that the moment a missile departs its Iranian bunker, Israel and the U.S. will know about it – one must assume that by now Iran has Israeli intelligence’s undivided attention. Mossad being one of the world’s best intelligence agencies surely has a lot of assets focused in and around Iran as well as intense satellite observation so the moment the missile’s trajectory is figured out, which should take about a minute, immediate action will be taken. You have to imagine that before the missile even gets over its border the Israelis will launch one or more of their own “turban busters” which means that now there will be at least two nuclear strikes. So the minute a missile departs its bunker and sees it’s shadow there will be a lot more than six more weeks of winter to worry about. Nuclear winter is more like it.

What will be bombed? I’m going to assume that Iran won’t want to take out Jerusalem – the Dome of the Rock lying in a heap of radioactive rubble won’t play well to the rest of the Arab world, so I think the Iranians will want to take out a more strategic target – Tel Aviv. Nuking the capital and “decapitating” Israel’s government will play well in the Arab world – as well as France and Russia.

Israel, being forced to play nuclear ping–pong with Iran, will not be content with a tit-for-tat game. The question is, how many volleys will there be. You know that the Israelis already have a comprehensive target list. They’re going to want take out as many of Iran’s nuclear missile sites and processing facilities as they can, as well as military bases, information, and power centers. And for the added exclamation point Tehran will be whacked. Israel, having been handed the nuclear defense cover it needs, and with nothing left to lose, might well be tempted to “FedEx” a few more radiation gifts to Syria, and maybe a few into Saudi Arabia for good measure– maybe. In any case Israel will have the excuse it needs to “take care of business.”

Another concern is the main lynchpin which precipitated this nightmare – the Palestinians. Besides Israel, the people who should worry most about Iran are, oddly enough, Palestinians. There are over a million Palestinians who live in multiple refugee camps in and around Israel.

It’s a sure bet that a multitude of Palestinians will meet the same fate as the Jews. Are you listening Hamas? Hezbollah? Because the winds in the Middle East generally blow from west to east (just like here) you can add Jordan’s King Abdullah to the “annoyed” list. And depending on those winds and the size of the blast it’s a good bet that nuclear snowflakes will be wafting down from the skies over Jordan, and the recently beleaguered Iraq. With a large enough blast and strong enough wind Iranians themselves might enjoy some of their own fallout–which would conceivably contaminate the food and water supplies, which will cause more misery–not to mention a radiation crater that was once Tehran.

It won’t take long for the missiles to hit their targets -as there’s only about a 1,500 mile gap between the two nations about ten minutes should do it. After that - the whole world will know and soon after that, world economies could very well collapse – oil will go up to – well… any number you can think of - one hundred, two hundred dollars per barrel - keep going because you’ll need to take out a bank loan to fill your car! You can also kiss goodbye any stocks or 401K accounts you might own because world stock markets will crater as fast as the nuclear craters are created! This in turn will cause the price of everything to skyrocket. Imagine millions of people mobbing stores buying as much as possible before food prices “nuclearize” themselves! The word “UGLY” lies on the tip of my nasty adjective iceberg.

In the end, the Arab world will have achieved a pyrrhic victory. Though they won’t see it that way – I’m sure there are likely to be plenty of “leftover” radicals celebrating “the end of the Zionist entity!” With no more Israel to rail against, hundreds of thousands of their own dead, and very few safe places to live (in addition to Israel, most of their lands, will be luxuriating in a nice warm nuclear soap bath.) – What will they do?

Not having to worry about diplomacy anymore, any real allies the Arabs had before will
be a bit grumpy about providing them with any support. A few countries like Russia and China might very well take advantage of the end of Tehran, and in the chaos try to take control of any remaining Iranian oil fields! I’m betting that with the exception of North Korea, any remaining Arabs will have to toss a camel a pretty long distance to find an Ally.

If you would like a reliable warning sign of this impending doom I’ll give you one, one that would be difficult for a Vegas odds maker to keep in Vegas. The one thing those weaselly Mullahs know is this–if they should attempt to remove the “Zionist Occupiers”, they have to know that the favor will be returned. Meaning that much of Iran is going to become a glittering rockin’ and rollin’ disco ball of radioactive light!

Knowing that – here’s your sign – Watch the Mullahs. That’s it! When all those Mullahs decide to take a magic carpet ride for a sunbathing vacation in Indonesia, that’s your two minute warning–it’s time to start worrying!

After the nuclear shuttlecocks are launched–the one thing I know for sure is this–U.S. politicians will try as hard as they can to capitalize on the charred corpses in the desert. Democrats will blame Republicans, Republicans will blame Democrats. There will be a lot of banter about anti-Semitism. The media will blame all except itself. The U.N. will convene–there will be lots of speeches and yelling and finger pointing and enough resolutions to fill an encyclopedia. In the end, bloviating diplomats and politicians will outgas in unison “never again!” to anyone who will listen. And nothing of any real substance will be accomplished. Which means, politically, nothing will change.

Now to leave you with a bit of a silver lining: eventually world economies will come back, though nothing will be quite the same – the price of gas will eventually stabilize, but still cost over a hundred dollars a barrel. But, the one good thing that might come out of this nightmare will be that the U.S. Government might finally create a Manhattan project or provide major funding to private companies or people, to produce new forms of transportation fuel.

If we could create a super cheap renewable energy resource to run a car engine, that isn’t oil based, then we can have an economy that is un-reliant upon events in the Middle East. And if it turns out to be really cheap to produce, you’ll see an economic boom that could just about wipe out poverty in this country.

This will have another beneficial effect – suddenly Arab nations that have had single product economies (OIL)- which, are controlled by a few people keeping themselves wealthy and the rest of their populations poor, will find themselves with a “no product” economy. The Middle Eastern Arab world, if it is to survive at all, will be forced to produce a variety of “widgets”, which means they’ll need to have an educated populace to produce all those different widgets, which in turn will mean there will be other things to occupy their lives besides the will of Allah and the end of Israel. And wouldn’t that be nice!

Getting back to Dr. Strangelove and that scene –When thinking about Iran with nuclear capabilities–my mind replaces Ol’ Slim with some generic Mullah (I don’t know any Mullahs personally) straddling that nuclear bomb, and instead of a cowboy hat he’s batting the bomb with his turban yelling “Allah Ackbarrrr!”– as he plunges into Tel Aviv. – Funny visual…then again, not.