For What Ails You

Has your stomach been churning? Is your breathing a bit labored lately? Has it been difficult getting out of bed? Is it difficult finding other things to watch on T.V. besides the political shows you so savored just a few weeks back? Well my sad fellow Republicans, it’s not the flu you have, you are suffering from Obamaitis.

Unfortunately, there will be no recovery on your horizon for at least four years, so just skip paying your overpriced doctor.

Obamaitis - it comes, when, after eight, weary years of driving your USA SUV over bumpy roads, and in a state of exhaustion, handing the car keys over to the incessantly screaming kids in the back seat.

But, my fellow sad sacks, thought I can’t cure you, I will present you with a few hopeful reasons to smile.

If John McCain had won this election we would all be doing gigs, dancing the McCainarana! Patting ourselves on the back for delivering a sucker punch to the lefties. The satisfaction of having the underdog beating the odds and pulling off the ultimate upset. Yes, we would barely be able to contain ourselves. If we died, the coroner would have a tough time wiping the smile from our faces – that is how happy we would be.

Unfortunately, that jubilation has been reserved for the Obamaites. Flush with self-satisfaction, there’s almost nothing Republicans, nor conservatives can say to wipe the smile off their rightfully smug faces. And lets face it – at this point, it’s
what stings us the most.

In our current sad sack state, it’s understandable that we find ourselves taking
the drive to downtown pityville USA, and saddling up to the bar for a pint of wallow-tonic, on tap.

Take my pal Rush Limbaugh, for example, who, had almost nothing good to say about John McCain before he managed
to win the Republican primary, is now so upset, that he actually hopes that the people who voted for Obama in Ohio, and Virginia, would loose their jobs “because when people do stupid things (Obama said he would strictly regulate the coal industry) they should learn a lesson.”

As I listened I wondered, was this was the same Rush, who made the point, that liberals don’t care how they obtain power, and lamenting the fact that the Democrats, and Obama were hopeful for a bad economy because that was their only path to winning the White House? Oh, how quickly the mighty crack!

If Rush can saddle up to the pityville-bar, for a pint of woe, then you my mere mortal, can hardly be blamed for pulling up a bar stool. But, as we clink glasses, I say, cheer up! As I attempt to provide you with a few points of sudsy solace.

Point one - over the past four years we conservatives have suffered through the tumultuous Presidency of George W. Bush. When Mr. Bush ran for office eight years ago under the dubious banner of “compassionate conservative,” he was signaling to the people who were going to actually decide that election, independents, that they had nothing to fear from him, he was not like those nasty, cold hearted S.O.B. conservatives, who wanted to impeach President Clinton. No, he was a going to be a nice guy, meaning - a compromiser. Well… we conservatives can happily say goodbye to that fallacious branding.

President Bush’s compassion has manifest itself in the form of costly spending programs to “fix” things. Something, akin to 300 grit sandpaper, which rubs us cold hearted Republicans the wrong way.

Point two - throughout the Bush years, there have been more than a few hubristic bad apple Republicans, ie: representative, and former Vietnam flying ace, Randall “duke” Cunningham, convicted of having military contractors give him gifts and buy his house at a greatly inflated price. Then there was the licentious, rumored to be gay, Florida representative Tom Foley, sending very suggestive emails to male interns. And now we have the petty, and taxpayer costly, Alaska Senator, Ted Stevens, accepting gifts and free labor from constituents. Well… I say adios amigos! I don’t want to have to defend corruption – I’ll happily leave that to the donkeys.

John McCain, throughout much of his career, has been labeled by the media, a “maverick.” A maverick, because he’s his own island when it comes to political philosophy. Which really means that he has no philosophy. Which means that when listening to him campaign, one was hard pressed to find any unifying, or even coherent message. Which resulted in his defeat.

Point three - Bush “the compassionate”, McCain “the maverick,” both come adorned with muddled versions of Reagan conservatism. And, if there had been a McCain Presidency, we would have had more of the same. Well… we don’t have to concern ourselves with that nonsense anymore.

Point four - “Mr. Maverick”, hopped onto the hybrid global warming bandwagon, and was more than willing to “invest,” our taxpayer dollars to “save the planet.” Like most conservatives, I, don’t believe the planet needs any “saving.” And, if it did need saving, the U.S. Federal government, is the last super-hero you would turn to for that task. Another thing, dear conservatives, we now, don’t have to worry about. Let the donkeys pray to the global warming god.

Point five – most importantly - All is Shangri-la in donkeyville now, but, with the Democrats controlling both the White House and Congress, there’s sure to be much infighting for the war spoils. Amidst all this infighting, a loyal, formally muted, opposition of conservatism should renew itself from the ragtag remnants of our party.

In life nothing moves in a straight line, and so it is with conservatism. After difficult eight years of trying to “shoehorn,” a Bush presidency into a Reagan philosophy, it will be nice NOT to have to do that with an equally un-conservative McCain.

As for me, I’m happy to let the kids riding in the back seat, who, for eight years, have been kicking our seats non-stop, incessantly fighting, and asking, of the war, ‘are we there yet?’, have their moment at the wheel of our SUV-USA. We’ve been driving for too long and have gotten lost. Our party fell asleep at the wheel. It’s time for us to have a pullover, and let those boisterous brats in the back seat take the wheel, while we take a brief siesta in that back seat.

I definitely won’t be taking any cues from the Democrats, about how to act when you don’t get what you want. Democrats, who, when George Bush won both of his elections, acted as if the apocalypse were upon us. These open minded, compassionate, multi-cultural people, who, perversely, accuse us Republicans of being narrow minded, bigoted, racist ogres - treated us to eight years of nonstop whining, kicking and screaming, and vilely comparing President Bush to Hitler.

No thank you, I don’t think I want to be seen acting like a spoiled five year old for the next four years. After all, we are the “daddy” party, which is one of the reasons I became a Republican.

I will wish President Obama well. He’s going to be my President now, and for the country’s sake, I sincerely want him to succeed. There will be plenty of time to form a loyal opposition to form, but for now my dear Obamaitis ridden chums, hop in the big comfy USA SUV back seat, and enjoy a nice nap to recoup your strength. After our brief nap, we’ll get to kick the stuffing out of the driver’s seat, and incessantly whine about where we’re going. Plenty of time for fun! Now slide over, cause I’m not sitting on the hump!