Illegal Aliens - Adios Amigos

It was a wake-up call- the last straw. It became crystalline clear, to everyone but weaselly politicians, who, sniffing around for Hispanic votes, were blinded to its implications. What was this seminal event of which I’m am to pontificate about? It actually took place last year when hundreds of thousands of illegal aliens in an organized display of arrogance, that would have impressed Hitler’s Third Reich, marched through the streets of every major U.S. city in protest of President Bush’s “immigration reform” act.

Americans watched in stunned disbelief as every network and cable news channel ran live footage of the invading mobs, clad with Mexican flags, hurling insults, (in two languages), at President Bush (something he’s become comfortable with), the Congress, and Americans in general, incredulously demanding legal status and workers rights to which they aren’t entitled.

To add to this insanity, in a Twilight Zone moment, most of the news media coverage
adopted a curious attitude. Much of the reporting seemed decidedly sympathetic toward the mob. The coverage seemed as if its point was to instill guilt among its viewers.
It’s actually YOUR fault for the invading army’s difficult living conditions.

But, this situation didn’t occur in a vacuum. Like a volcano slowly building its caldera after years of eruptions, a showdown has been brewing. The first eruption began in 1986, when, in a sincere effort, President Ronald Reagan wanted, and got an amnesty (which he denied it was) bill through the congress. The bill was supposed to put an end to all this peskiness. Back in ’86 these border jumpers were aptly referred to as “illegal Aliens”, which made it clear to anyone the status of the people we were referring to.

This bill basically was designed to accomplish two simple things. One - grant a one time amnesty to what was then estimated to be (who could really know) approximately 6 million people living here illegally. And two - build fences and add extra border patrol agents to the U.S.- Mexican border. This was to be the tidy end of the whole distasteful subject. Simple enough.

Our “esteemed” government accomplished the “amnesty” part of the ’86 act, (which was quite easy to accomplish - all they were required to do was – NOTHING!) but of course they made failure look good, by doing nothing to stem the tide of border hoppers into our country. Now the approximately 6 million illegal aliens have become an estimated (again, who knows) 12 million and counting! Good job Uncle Sam!

Now come dear reader and ride with me as we zip forward in our nifty little time machine, 21 years into the future. Alas startled traveling buddy, little has changed. Okay, okay, everyone has cell phones, cable TV. and You Tube. Aside from that everything appears to be just about where we left it. Everything but the language, that is. There are new words floating about, HD TV, Google, text message, ipod, and the newly minted iphone, and with regard to this debate, “immigrant.” Having just zipped in from 1986, you might be forgiven for thinking that the U.S. government, in order to control population, was committed to major sea change, and proposed a stop to all immigration. Well, dear fellow time traveler, you now have to deal with the unintended consequences of believing your government when it tells you it’s going to fix a problem. Which is why you should prevent them from “fixing” as few problems as possible. The one unintended and unforseeable consequence of the erstwhile ’86 “immigration” act – was - (as I’m about to explain) – LANGUAGE.

Now more than 12 million illegal aliens have joined together with deliriously eager constituency groups and mercenary fleets of lawyers, including the A.C.L.U. to help them gain political power, (of which they’re not in any way entitled ) and in an attempt to blur the lines between right and wrong, brainwash Americans to believe that the word “illegal” has been deleted from the dictionary.

Just in case the above brainwashing technique might have worked on you, here’s the English -- Spanish translation – “Illegal Alien”=“Undocumented Immigrant.” Which was phase one to your “re-education.” Phase two, which has just begun is this - “Illegal Alien” = “Immigrant.” I know, I know … you might be thinking “hey, If the word “illegal” is removed from the vocabulary, how do I know the difference between a “documented” or “Legal immigrant” and people who illegally sneak into our country?” If that question DOES occur to you then your brain needs to be tossed into the Maytag for another rinse cycle.

So here we are - in the year 2007. Misinformation campaign in full bloom, and alas another stab at “fixing” the illegal “immigration” problem is taken up by our “esteemed” government. I’m going to bypass all the intricacies of the current Senate bill, (don’t worry, even the Senators who have sponsored this mouse trap don’t know what’s in there), but here are a few highlights.

The current plan, which would cause Rube Goldberg to wince, would have the U.S. government build 700 miles of new fencing (fence? What about a nice shiny gigantically tall wall?) in conjunction with surveillance drones and cameras and an increase of 18 thousand border patrol agents. In concurrence to this, the government would issue what are referred to as Z visas (supposedly tamper proof) to present day illegal aliens (excuse me, “immigrants”) allowing them to remain here after filling out legal forms and paying a 5 thousand dollar fine – how many illegal aliens have five thousand to toss around? After doing all that, they would be given permission to stay and work here for two years, and in bizarre bureaucratic logic, after which they would have to return to their country of origin and apply for full legal status to get back here. In addition to this, employers will be heavily fined for each “immigrant” they illegally hire. And there you have it – Now that seems simple enough - (insert sarcasm here) – don’t you think?

Anyway, as of now, that was, the “plan that was.” After a flood – (that would cause Noah to marvel) - of emails and phone calls of protest from sane people, with good memories, (ie: Mexican flag waving mobs in the streets), who live on planet earth, in three dimensions, the U.S. Senate – (who live in “beltway world,” which contains none of the logic of the three dimensional world), took heed, at the thought of loosing their jobs, and decidedly killed the monster! A rare triumph for the forces of good!

If our wrongheaded President and congress wanted to have the respect of normal citizens then all they had to do was pass a law to build an “immigrant’ proof wall across the entire border, and hire a gob full of border patrol agents. It’s that simple. Yes people in “beltway world” we remember 1986 and all we want now is a “show Me” bill. Build it and they will go. As a recently eloquent internet Ad admonished – “Build the Wall!” After that when the human tide is noticeably reduced to a trickle, then we can talk about issuing Biometric Z visas. Do that U.S. government, and you can then legitimately claim to represent the people of the United States – who actually don’t live in “Beltway world.”

An old saying goes, “If you give a man (written in an obviously sexist time) enough rope he’ll eventually hang himself. Which is exactly what occurred this week. Last year illegal aliens became so comfortable living here that they brazenly took to the streets en masse to actually demand rights to which they weren’t entitled, Americans watched and saw what amounted to an invading army - Enough rope.

This week, trolling for future Hispanic votes (even illegal ones) both Democrats and oddly Republicans, in an act of colossal hubris tried to push through a virtually unenforceable immigration bill against the wishes of it’s own citizenry and only stopped after the sharp knives of the American people came out - Enough rope.

And finally, not that this has anything to do immigration, but seems like it should not go unmentioned - Paris, yes, “Her photogenicness”, was sprung from the big house. Ms. Hilton, in her first post pokey interview with Larry King was asked if she read the bible while in the hoosegow. Ms. Glitz replied that yes, yes indeed she had been reading her bible. In response Mr. King asked what her if she had a favorite passage – she paused – suspiciously unable to recall any top ten hits – and replied that there were so many passages she just couldn’t choose. Well… I suppose we’ll always have her – There’s enough money here to afford a lot more rope.